Date with Distaster

As the ambulance raced through red lights, the EMTs were monitoring the heart rate which was slowing at an alarming pace. The roof began to spin as consciousness was slipping through the patient's finger tips. The gurney was rushed through the doors of the emergency room, the trauma doctors were working to restart the heart, but it was too late. Dead on arrival. It's often said that dating is already difficult in the modern age. However, it's even harder when you date or marry an alcoholic. The relationship may also be dead on arrival.

Believe it or not, there was a time before smart phones and dating apps where you usually met someone in a bar. Most of our weekends in college were spent drinking cheap beers before you head out to the bars because you're a college kid and it costed so much damn money. Hair gel, button down shirts and the like. It took a few more drinks at the bar before you could muster up enough courage to approach a group of girls and make an utter ass out of yourself. Screaming pleasantries into each other ears, you either got her number or you were going over to one of your places and smashing it.  This may develop into a proto-relationship even though with hindsight, you had nothing in common and a true human relationship wasn't even in the cards. My girl Florence sang it best...ship to wreck.

Some, myself included, would suggest that Al Gore created the internet however, pornography made it popular with the hairy-palmed college crowd of the early to mid 1990s. In the quest of community and connection, we joined chat rooms of like-minded individuals because it's either strength in numbers or misery loves company. A/S/L was common when asking someone's Age/Sex/Location. If their criteria met what you were looking for *brrriiinnnggg* direct message time. After a few parlays of conversation, you may even exchange numbers. I remember chatting with an Indian girl from New Jersey and we would have a few phone calls but the distance was too great and the desire was never there. But, life goes on and technology evolves to Yahoo Dating - which for a while was a free service. I didn't have much going on and chances were few and far between.

Experience trumps all though. I like to think about those humiliating experiences helped me develop as a good dater. I caught my stride when I hit 23. I was working at a gym and it put me in front of a lot of people. One in particular, especially. I was pretty oblivious and we actually met in a bar of all places and on St. Patrick's Day of all days. In Buffalo, Billy Shakespeare couldn't have wrote it better. Looking back after almost 10 years, things went well because we were both the same. We were the same in the way that our habits were similar. We enjoyed going out, having a few pops and seeing where the night went. Despite growing up in the home of an alcoholic, I didn't shy away from the booze or a good time. However - that relationship ran its course and to this day, I don't think the drinking affected that decision. I can look at other relationships where that was not the case. I wasn't met like-for-like in my habit. What was seemingly natural behavior for me, wasn't for others and I saw that first hand.

We met off of Tinder, which is a dumpster fire for dating apps. The premise is to have good pictures of you doing activities and having something witty in your profile. Swipe right for like, left for no. In its infancy, the app was a hook up app because it was designed after the app Grindr, which was for homosexual men wanting to hook up. It was a great business plan, but women ruined it. So - I met a woman off Tinder and didn't have that immediate gratification. We had a relationship of almost 11 months. There were some ups, but there were it also had its downs. One of those was my favorite activity of having drinks while watching soccer on Saturdays. If you're not familiar, European games are often on early in the morning, meaning you're spending a few hours in the bar downing beers. It's soccer, so you have to spice up the competition. Conversation flows and lo and behold, it's 2 PM and you have a functional buzz. Also, it's easy for me to down beers in quick succession. But, I am not a man who should have serious conversation while drunk. Fedor Dostoevsky called it In Vino Veritas but you or I would call it truth serum. After rehashing the heated debate, I learned I said some pretty hurtful things and that relationship should have ended right there. Once the line is crossed, it takes twice as much time to build up that equity. The situation repeated itself after 6 months and that was it.

Dating apps kept the flow of women coming in. Sometimes things would work out for a few weeks or even months but habits are repeated. Nothing like knockout drag-out wars but those relationships ran their course. Nothing truly sparked the imagination nor heart but I did learn a lot of things. Sometimes, I would have a few drinks like I would as a college kid, either as self-sabotage or failing to mature. I'm going with the self-sabotage angle because there are dates I went into completely sober because I didn't want to show up a hot mess. My dating routine has been watching soccer in the morning (no beer) then going to the gym for a good work out and sauna afterwards to exercise that nervous energy out. A bite to eat and a quick nap and I was game ready. I was alert and present in the moment and I enjoyed that person's presence.

I also realized the personal differences with certain regions of the US. If a girl was from the East Coast or Midwest - this activity is normal. Less so with people from the South and the West confuses and scares me. Good thing I moved there.... at any rate, if a woman likes to meet up at a bar and watch college football or professional football, I stand a good chance with them. We can spend a few hours in a bar and think nothing of it. If someone is more "artistically-inclined" 1) how did we even match in the first place? It must be my manly manliness and 2) I'm going to be able drink more and potentially look like an asshole. Compatibility is key, if I can say ANYTHING about dating. This is a blog about drinking and drinking culture, not a dating site, so if you require any tips or information - you're on your own.

Good luck out there!