Red, White and Booze

     "To Alcohol! The cause of... and solution to... all of life's problems." - Homer Simpson     

     Portland, Oregon had its first snow of the season. The Cascade Mountains see more snow, Mounts Bachelor and Hood being popular ski destinations. 2016 has been fraught with lamentations. Celebrity deaths shocked a lot of people who have macabre Celebrity Death pools. If you had Alan Rickman and David Bowie, you cleaned house with those sleeper picks. As I type this, the Electoral College confirmed Donald J. Trump's 2016 Presidential win. It's like we all went skiing, picking up speed down a black diamond course and kept hitting the moguls until we went ass over tea kettle and lost out balance. We bounce off course, away from the other skiers. Your party is worried and send out ski rescue to look for you. You awaken out of a stupor with a big Saint Bernard licking your face and a mini keg brandy around its neck.

     The beginning of the year starts with a New Year's Eve celebration that leaks into early the next calendar year. For the younger readers, it means waking up with no issue. For grizzled veterans such as myself, it takes a day to recover. More like 4 PM and hair of the dog for me. At the top of the mountain, the moguls aren't that bad - the first one being Valentine's Day. If you're single, it's the reminder that you're single. If you're in a relationship or married, it's much ado about nothing. Overpriced dinners, not being able to afford diamonds or other knick-knacks of feigned sentimentality. No one really hears about fights around the Easter table. The real hilly terrain started in November. This year was especially rough with the highly incendiary rhetoric of partisan politics.  Everyone dreaded the Thanksgiving meal, because we forgot who we actually were, not which political team we think we belong to. Even if you weren't a card-carrying member of a political group, you saw dissenters as enemies; not as people you once cared about who may have had a different outlook on life. You engaged at ever retweet and poorly made Internet memes. I know I've had a few drinks and took to social media to show my righteous indignation.  I don't want to live in a make-believe world, maybe you lot never had a beer or glass of wine and picked up a dagger to fight in the War of the Left/Right paradigm. Let's face it though. We all know of fights that start because with people that have had too much to drink. Alcohol lowers inhibitions which cause us to lose our filter and say things we shouldn't or normally wouldn't. It may escalate to fisticuffs or it may end relationships. However, sometimes, having a beer between aggrieved parties can alleviate the situation. Nary a fan of Obama's politics or policies, you may remember early in his administration, The Beer Summit, where Henry Louis Gates was arrested in front of his home outside of Boston. It was an acrimonious situation wherein both sides of the conversation were heard but not understood. One side cried systemic racism, the other was a lack of understanding and respect for the job of a police officer. Obama decided to deescalate the situation by inviting both parties to the Rose Garden to have a drink and talk it out.

     I hound on it time after time. Some people drink for the sport of it. "What can I tick off my list on Untappd?" "It's Saturday and I have no where to be. Let's piss away a sunny/rainy Saturday either in a bar or on a patio." Drink responsibly and make sure you have a ride home. However, there's a subset of people who drink "against the grain of the liquor" or those who drink as a social anesthetic. While visiting home for Thanksgiving, I invited my mom to my favorite Irish pub for a drink and catching up. When she showed up, I knew she had a few pops before visiting. I was thinking to myself, "Fuck, how bad is it to meet up with your son you haven't seen in nearly two years?" I didn't think I have turned into that much of a bore in that amount of time. At first, I was upset. After thinking it out and with the help of my aunt, maybe she was feeling ashamed or inadequate for essentially being in the same place she's been in since I left - and even before that. Maybe Uncle Jerry is 5 martinis in because his life is in a rut and he doesn't know how or why but those goddamn liberals keep wanting men to use the same bathrooms as his daughter. AND IT'LL BE A GODDAMN COLD DAY IN HELL IF HE ALLOWS THAT TO HAPPEN!!!

     We all think we have the answers, don't we? Opinions based off of facts and if you don't agree, you're a dullard and we don't have time to explain ourselves. I have no idea how difficult it'd be to come out to your parents as a homosexual, but why the dinner table while your sister is passing the lima beans? Get a full meal in you and make sure your laundry is done before you drop the microphone. I'm saying this jokingly, but why not drop some heavy news at the Labor Day party? Mention that Jennifer should never wear white after Labor Day and let that settle in with your mother. Or, even better, we can diffuse bombs before they even blow up! Whether we like it or not, it's those difficult situations that make us better people anyway. More often than not, life is not a Disney movie or a Norman Rockwell painting. We all have our differences, but that's kind of what makes us the same.

     So, the Saint Bernard is here. Cask of brandy around its collar. Take a hit and wait for help to arrive. If you're walking around feeling persecution, realize that most people don't care what your race or sexual orientation is. Most people don't care about how you vote. They've got bills to pay and a family to make happy. I do think that when in distress, most people come to the aid of people who are in actual distress.

If I don't hear from anybody, have a Merry Christmas and New Year. Chances are I'll hack out a piece before the New Year.