Sunday, November 12, 2017

Overplayed


A solitary beer is sitting in my refrigerator. I cannot recall many times where I have been so low on inventory. Over the course of the week, the stock has been dwindling. The battery of East Coast beers has been exhausted. On Friday, some of my co-workers wanted to thank me for the help I provided over the past few weeks and I was more than thankful for their gift. I enjoyed their honorarium while playing FIFA, which is something I do weekly. I thought I was being responsible, drinking water after a couple of cans. I had a pretty restless night’s sleep when my girlfriend came home from her night shift. After waking up, I was protracted on our sofa when she asked, “are you drinking again tonight?”

More than likely. Friday night, I fucked up. Instead of going to the gym and working out as I have been doing, I came straight home after a grueling week at work. I wanted to have a few drinks and lose myself on the pixelated pitch of FIFA. I got into it, I turned on a Jocko Willink podcast and I commanded Unterhacing out of the basement of German soccer. My FitBit would remind me to take a walk 10 minutes before the hour and I used that as a reminder to drink water. But often as it goes, I neglect to eat when I sip suds and play video games. I refer to it as my six-pack supper.  Seemingly every time I do that and enjoy a few “higher octane” drinks, those over 6.5% ABV, a hangover ensues. Honestly, it’s difficult for me to explain WHY I forgo dinner. I had leftover pasta in the fridge, I could have easily popped that into the microwave and after the warm up and eating it, I could have been back gaming in 15 minutes, but I didn’t. For the past 20 years, I have been mesmerized by FIFA. When I tell people that I enjoy gaming, people ask me what I play. FIFA. That’s it. I’m sorry if that seems anti-climactic.

After spending the early afternoon of Saturday writhing in a self-inflicted pain, my girlfriend and I picked up some Mexican food and after a carnitas burrito, I was back on the mend. My initial plan was to meet up with my friend at the Cheerful Bullpen here in Portland to get out of the house and catch the Buffalo Sabres game. The night previous, I overplayed my hand and my body was telling me that I could sip some Labatt Blues but that’s it, Champ. I did just that. I nursed a pounder of Blue per period. The game went to overtime, but not my appetite for another. I cashed out and took the Max back home. I needed to use the restroom, so I stopped at Untapped, which I refer to as Melrose Place because many of the patrons live in the apartment complex above. Again, I nursed another one and picked up two session IPAs. Same flavor, less ABV. When I got home, I sat down in front of the TV, turned on my PlayStation and had one of those session beers as I played a few more games.

“Drinking again tonight,” I ask myself almost rhetorically. I don’t have any desire to do so today. I feel like I lost a step on Saturday even though I didn’t have anything major I wanted to do. I wanted to get some work done in the gym, but that wasn’t going to happen on Saturday with a hangover. As I get older, I look begrudgingly at time lost. In traffic, I scream myself hoarse with rage at the time I’m losing. That time could be spent on things I enjoy, time with friends and loved ones or just time spent not thinking about my job. Today will be spent prepping for the week that will be. I’m already anticipating a heavier workload, which means more rest and recuperation is needed. Thursday, I’ll be seeing Our Lady Peace, a band from my youth that I have yet to see.  The key is to think of things in the long term. Take it easy and don't overplay your hand.

Saturday, October 28, 2017

Identity

"What the hell is going on at Blue Samurai?" I was walking down the street with my girlfriend. There was paper covering the windows of Blue Samurai, which was a sushi restaurant on our street. I had eaten there almost a week prior, nary a word of any plans about any redecoration. Had the waitress have known, her nose was either buried in her phone or chatting with her hip and trendy friends, she probably wasn't going to tell me. Nowadays, when you see windows being covered with thick paper, most people think closure and not renovation. Erika had done some sleuthing and sure enough, Blue Samurai had closed permanently without any ado. No tearful goodbyes. No letter on the door thanking the patrons they did have. I began thinking, what makes a place so special?

How we came upon Blue Samurai was kind of funny. Our street is replete with breweries and restaurants. There's a food pod, a collection of food carts, at the top of the street and all the way down there's American, a creperie, an oyster bar, a couple of bars with food, a couple of Thai places, a small Mexican place, a vegan barbeque (no, I'm serious) and two Japanese restaurants. We would frequent Uchu for their decent sushi and jalapeno poppers. One day after a good drinking session, we wanted those jalapeno poppers and a couple of sushi rolls. We placed our order and waited. Then we waited and then waited some more. After a generous 45 minutes, we inquired about our order - which they had forgotten to place. FUCK YOU. We were done with that place. So from then on out, we went to Blue Samurai as a mild act of defiance. "You know what that means, right?" I said to Erika. "Yeah - we have to go farther for sushi."

I recently went back to Buffalo, accompanied with Erika, who had never been to Buffalo. While making reservations for all of the places we were going to stay and deciding on the itinerary, one of the things set in stone was a visit to my favorite bar in Buffalo. Mes Que, or "More Than", is a slogan of FC Barcelona.  Mes Que had become a weekly stop and was a place for me to watch a few soccer games, have a couple of beers and have some lively conversations. The bartenders were great, each one brought something a little special, either great cocktail makers or arbiters of great patience. I use that bar as a benchmark. That's what I want in a bar, top to bottom, from ambiance and decor, to employees and to the type of people that bar attracts. I never had to worry about any dour folks or riff-raff. When I came back, it was just as I remembered. Flawless.

Mes Que - Coolio, the Celtic fan


Having a great place like that, it is difficult to replicate. After nearly two and a half years, I have struggled to find a place that I could call my own. When I first moved to the Portland area, I lived in the Tanasbourne area, which is right between Beaverton and Hillsboro. Neither Beaverton or Hillsboro are like Portland proper, but each one offers something a little different. I didn't have a car, so my daily drinking was mainly done at home or at a "townie" bar. Most people at that bar lived in the neighborhood and have some sort of rapport with the staff. Trying to get a beer while they are deep in conversation is off-putting. I'm not asking for immediate service, in fact, it is probably good that I take a breather between bottles but routinely it seemed a bit too much. A taphouse had opened up near my workplace and I like it. Craft Pour House was an oasis. They have great beers and friendly staff. I would find myself spending significant amounts of time here but the drawback for me was that it wasn't in walking distance. Normally, after a few pops, I would have no problem getting in the car and driving home. Obviously, it's very irresponsible to drive home buzzed. So, if I had too much I would make the 3-mile walk or use a drive-share company like Uber.

When I felt adventurous, I would take the train into Portland and explore the Southwest quadrant and Pearl District, bouncing from bar to bar. Cheerful Bullpen is one of my favorites in that area. They are the Buffalo Bills backer bars and have pounders (16 oz cans) of Labatt Blue. Seemingly innocuous, that 16 ounces of Canadian pilsner are a delightful reminder of home, where a Blue is the de facto drink of choice. Also located steps from Providence Park, it's a great place to pregame before heading into a Portland Timbers game. However, as they say in real estate - location, location, location. I moved across the river and it doesn't seem like much but it's more than a stone's throw away from where I am now. So, the more work I have to put into going somewhere especially if I have to drive, I'm less likely to go.

It's a sassy drink, Cheerful Bullpen

Routine is another factor in making a place your own. Upon a recommendation, my girlfriend and I decided to visit Chill N Fill in North Portland. They have great beers on tap, you can bring your own food and it's pet-friendly. There's a usual cast of characters filter in throughout the day and everyone has their own uniqueness that you'd want in a clientele. We can spend hours there but it is a drive and we only go every other week because of Erika's work schedule. Finding a place that is "Chill N Fill adjacent" is something we joke about when looking at places to live but having a bar to call your own is kind of a gift.

Both left a sour taste in my mouth, Founders Green Zebra and Detroit Tigers

At the heart of the issue, a feeling of belonging is usually what people look for in a bar. No matter your station in life; whether you are a novice drinker, a social drinker, or an old, grizzled boozer seeing out your last days through cans of Rainier - you want to find a safe harbor from the craziness of life. It could be a drizzly rainy day in the winter or a sweltering summer day where you spend time away from home. Perhaps it's a throwback to our European background where pub culture was ingrained into our culture where we get together and share news and ideas. I do see we may lose this as we become drawn into the digital world. The false community of social media wherein we are led into information echo chambers, looking for opinions that reinforce our worldview. A lively debate of ideas in years past in bars could in a black eye and a handshake is now just snide and sarcastic quoted retweets. How likely are you to utter something that you may not wholly believe in if you're not willing to get in an actual debate about it in public?

Put the phone down after reading this and go to a bar. Have a conversation. It doesn't have to be about politics, it could be about a restaurant in your neighborhood that has shut down. Get to know your neighbor, maybe they have been around longer than you have and can tell you what used to be in that spot before the sushi restaurant. Talk about whatever. Just make it yours. Your conversation in your favorite watering hole.

Sunday, October 22, 2017

Down time

Thursday night was my first night alone in a couple of weeks. My girlfriend and I were on vacation for 9 days and she didn't have to go right back to work. I love my girlfriend so much that I don't subject her to my video game addiction. As a kid, I would go over to my friend's house and he'd play one player games and I would sit there often bored as fuck. It's pretty astounding to me that kids nowadays will watch guys like Pewdiepie play video games. Armed with a sixer of the King of Beers, I entered HJK (a Finnish team) in the Russian Premier League and stomped a mudhole in my Russian competition. Pounders of Bud go quickly, so I was at that part of the night where I usually go to bed but I had a pretty decent buzz going. Laissez le bon temps rouler, as they say in New Orleans. I was down to my last brew, what was a boy to do?

Time management is a virtue. I needed to be up in the morning to work out and head to work. I specifically choose Budweiser for its lower ABV. I decided to do cardio at the gym so I wouldn't feel bad about having a six pack supper. I could count on one hand how many times I've played FIFA sober. Drinking and playing FIFA is like peanut butter and jelly. My day was planned methodically while I mindlessly sip beers. Friday came around and I was fresh as a daisy. Having a few pops at lunch, I didn't want to go full throttle with the booze but I did stop at a whiskey bar just to get my creative juices flowing. I also needed a table to pen the first draft of this piece. My apartment doesn't have room for a table and I usually use pen and paper to flesh out pieces before typing them. I could have easily gone to a coffee shop, but liquor creativity is unparalleled.

While at work, I'm able to listen to podcasts. On my playlist was the Joe Rogan Experience, the one with Burt Kreischer.  They were talking about their trips to Italy and having a more relaxed work-life balance. Joe explained how he takes 2 weeks out of the month to work and then is left to pursue his other interests. I let that sink in. I was considering picking up a season job at Amazon. I have done so in the past under the guise of getting out of debt, but I ended up burning myself out with nominal fiscal gains.  My energy was zapped, I spent money on fast food and I didn't have time to work on things that would help my career in the long term.

While on my trip to Banff, I met an insurance adjuster who was drawing. We became embroiled in a conversation about creativity and owning your day with time management. For the longest time, life was controlling me, whether I knew it or not. Starting with my morning commute, 8 hours of being belittled by faceless customers and the equally soul-crushing commute home, it would take me at least a half hour of tirades about the banality and injustices of the world before I was at rest. If I decided to imbibe, I would be further worn down and taking lazy shortcuts. Projects remained unfinished, sending me into a mild shame spiral. Now that I'm aware of my tendencies, I can take more steps to fill my downtime with fulfilling activities as well as some time to mindlessly sip beers and play a little FIFA.

Sunday, October 15, 2017

Drinkers Choice

"Hamburgers have been good to me and they've been good to you." Philadelphia "Phil" Collins was explained to his son Jacob in an episode of the Trailer Park Boys. Jacob was mimicking Julian's idiosyncrasies.  Phil wanted to remind his son that the Dirty Burger and hamburgers in general have provided for the family. I've always considered myself a beer guy. It's what my mother drank as well as my grandparents. Doing anything different would be considered sacrilege. On a recent trip back to my hometown, I added something to my drink repertoire - cocktails.

During a recent trip back to my hometown, my girlfriend and I had just finished up with dinner with my aunt at my grandparents' favorite "gin mill" Brauer's. Brauer's hasn't changed over the last 40 years. It's what hipster dive bars aspire to be. Formica bar top with the essentials in liquor: Jack Daniels, vodka, assorted schnapps, Yukon Jack, Cutty Sark with a few other offerings. This was not a place where the bartender is going to be taking orange rind to the rim of a glass for an Old Fashioned. My grandparents, Norm and Mary, drank beer and that’s what I did. I ordered up a classic Genesee, an American adjunct lager. It’s a historical drink rivaled only by the Genesee Cream Ale. Everyone said their goodbyes and we decided to head back to our Airbnb. The rental was smackdab in my old neighborhood so I knew of all the places we could go. One such place was Vera Pizzeria. Vera is the opposite of Brauer’s. The bartenders behind the dark wooden bar work arduously on cocktails. Only the finest of liquors and they I had a gin drink that I really enjoyed. I wish I had taken a picture of the menu because it’s not something I can remember. Erika had the Some More What that consisted of graham cracker bourbon, hickory smoked syrup, chocolate bitters and garnished with a roasted marshmallow. After a second round, the waiter brought over a complimentary round of Fernet-Branca.


I’ve never turned down a free drink but Vera was very proud to have Fernet on tap! If you’re not in the know, Fernet is an amaro, which is a bitter made of herbs and spices. It’s usually served as a digestif, an after-dinner drink, and consists of myrrh, rhubarb, chamomile, cardamom, aloe, and saffron. I heard of Fernet from watching Three Sheets with Zane Lamprey when he visited Argentina. Argentinians enjoy the bitter, drinking nearly 3 million liters per year. As it turns out, it's the bartender's choice for a drink. Typically, Fernet is usually made in a cocktail of Coca-Cola. Our server explained the affinity of the owner for Fernet and the significance of having it on tap because it was rare. We made sure that Fernet would be available when we returned to Portland and thankfully it was.

Our trip home was very beer-centric. We brought back beers from the West Coast, rare ones such as the hazy New England IPA, 3 Way IPA. 3 Way was a collaboration between Fort George, Great Notion, and Reubens and became rarer when the brewers announced that they would no longer make it. So after having beer throughout the day at Big Ditch Brewing, Flying Bison and Old First Ward along with a few beers at the Sabres game, I decided that I should show my travel companion a cocktail place near the arena. I couldn’t remember what she ordered but I opted for my new favorite liquor, Fernet. A very popular Fernet cocktail is called a Toronto. A Toronto is 2 ounces of rye, 1 ounce of Fernet, ½ ounce simple sugar with a few splashes of Angostura bitters. Coincidentally, when we returned to Portland, the salesman at the liquor store suggested we make the Toronto. What I made versus what Ballyhoo made were two different drinks.




We were glad to be back and even went to our usual Sunday spot, the Chill N Fill. We brought back some beer from the East Coast and had a few comfortable beers before calling it a night. We later made our own Toronto and it was a fun experience. Beers will always be my go-to beverage for when I’m looking for an altered state, but it is a refreshing change of pace to have a Fernet or a gin and tonic. No matter what, beer will always be there for you.

Monday, September 4, 2017

The Thursday Trap

"Hello, could I get your account number? You can find it by clicking Help then About."
"Where do I find that in the program?" Insert face into palm, this conversation is already off to a rocky start. For anyone working in tech support, it's a common refrain in so much that it is repeated dozens of times per day. In customer support, you're taught not to take anything personally but that has never been easy for me. We're told from a young age not to bother anyone with your problems because they have their own things to worry about. Oddly enough through my daily interactions with the Debbies, Lindas and Tammies of the world, I find myself having a few extra drinks on Thursdays instead of the culturally acceptable Fridays.

Employment is an interesting concept. When you don't have a job, most people will spend an inordinate amount of time looking for one. When you have a job, you constantly look for reasons not to go. Granted, there are some people who are working exactly where you want to work and happy with the wages your receive or comfortable working environments. God bless you but you're one of the few. Most Americans will lump it out and much more are working paycheck to paycheck. For all intents and purposes, it's a kind of feudalism. On a few occasions, I've been called a wage slave, especially while I was working two jobs. A few times (OK, more than a few times) where I've caught myself yelling at traffic during the morning commute to a job I'm not too keen about. It's like getting mad because I'm late to go have a tooth pulled.

I've mentioned cognitive fatigue in the past. It goes by a few names, but cognitive fatigue could be described as a feeling of mild to extreme exhaustion lasting anywhere from a few hours to a few days. Symptoms include a sustained sense suppressed mental clarity, emotional instability, and agitation along with processing suppression, thought disorganization, depression, irritability, and anxiety. Colloquially, I've called it "red-lining." If you're driving a car, there is an upper limit for the RPMs (revolutions per minute) an engine can take and those upper limits are in the red zone of the tachometer. Driving at that pace causes unnecessary wear and tear but could ultimately lead to your engine blowing out. In the work world, you see it referred to as "burn out." Whether employers know it or not, the service industry taxes cognitive processes. There have been many instances where my brain is turned into oatmeal after 50 interactions. Baseball managers will count the pitches the pitcher throws to make sure the hurler doesn't blow out his arm for the next time he's due up in the rotation. Could you imagine if a manager or a CEO took a look at your workload and tap you on the shoulder and said to go home and come back fresh in the morning? Unheard of!

Today is Labor Day and I finally have time to hack out this piece about the work/life balance. Historically in the industrialized world, worker's rights have fought over. We've come a long way from 12-hour work days and 6-days per workweek. Even so, with increasing automation, we are looking at shrinking that down further. Can we get the same amount of work done in less time? Many people are getting their work done within 4 to 5 hours. I think many people would forgo the mandatory half hour lunch and 2 15-minute breaks if people could go home an hour earlier. Countless people have written about it, Tim Ferriss being my favorite. In his book, The Four Hour Work Week, Tim goes in depth about maximizing his effort and time and not falling into the pitfalls for looking for stuff to do to fill the 8-hour work day. It's frustrating because businesses are unwilling to take the first step. Who will be the first company in the service industry to say they're going to be open for 4 or 5 hours and pay their employees the same as they would if they were there for 8 hours?

The same goes for vacation time. We are inundated with stories about how Europe has a guaranteed amount of paid holidays, typically around 4 weeks. Many people wouldn't consider an economy such as Germany being a non-productive bunch. The economic core of Europe, Germany has one paid national holiday, Unification Day (October 3rd) and 9 to 13 paid holidays in addition to up to 24 days vacation. There are also "mini jobs" where workers earn 450 euros for up to 15 hours of work. The typical American working in the private sector will receive about half of what Europeans do, 16 days of vacation.

Dan Carlin mentioned the idea of parachronism in terms of employment wherein we look at a particular era and apply that to a current context. For a majority of employers, there are sticking to a business model that was created over 70 years ago. It's only in the technology field where employers are using different tactics, shorter days, more "me" time for employees and other benefits and services and are getting more from their team. It's essentially the difference between free range chicken and factory chicken. The concept is that you'll get a better, healthier product if you give the animal enough space to enjoy its life. Until we all get on board with that concept, I drink it out. I've kept this "stream of consciousness" site to kind of parse what I see and what's been told to me. I've caught myself comparing my state of affairs with a rubric that's 50 or 60 years old. Moving forward from here, I need to overcome these behavioral tendencies and habits I've picked up over the past 10 years and not rely on old coping mechanisms.  Job one is to cultivate new activities to prevent cognitive fatigue on my own and continue to increase my acumen within my field. Just have to avoid that Thursday trap as we all try to survive until Friday.

Monday, August 14, 2017

Gentrified

Creativity can come from anywhere. Many people will try a myriad of things to find it and usually, it will find you when you least expect. My muse seems to be beer because for the past two years, I have mixed beers together in order to make an even better beer. August 13th seems to be a kind of singularity. As I previously wrote about the Michelada and other beer cocktails, but those usually involve mixing beer with a non-beer beverage, such as a radler with beer and fruit juice.

The Black and Tan is a common drink that could be found at any self-respecting Irish pub. Typically, it is made by pouring a Guinness over a spoon into a half glass of lager.  The same goes for the Snakebite where you mix equal parts cider with either a lager or a stout. I noticed that neither were readily available since I moved from the East Coast to Portland. I would ask if people knew how to make this rudimentary concoction, but most places I went to didn't even have a spoon!
It was a warm day in August of 2016 when I was sitting on a bar stool at my local craft beer tap room. A friend of mine was there with me and we were talking about a bar we frequented named O'Lacy's in Batavia, New York. In fact, I was able to recall that a black & tan was my first legal beer. Looking at the available options, the concept of making a traditional Black & Tan went out the window. What I had was a black currant cider, peanut butter porter and gumption.
The "Rowsdower" was born! It had the flavor profile of a peanut butter sandwich, just like mom used to make! You may be asking, where did this name come from? Zap Rowsdower was a denim-clad hero in a low-budgeted Canadian film. Strong and bold, I think this drink encapsulated the spirit of Rowsdower. I enjoyed a few more of these drinks and even bought the glass the first Rowsdower was made in.

Mixing beers are usually met with consternation. Unlike the mixing of spirits and blends of grapes to make an enjoyable drink, mixing beers is generally not done. Beer culture has come along way from the post Prohibition era of mega breweries with the development of smaller craft breweries. Consumers tend to take the view that craft brewers labor tirelessly to create the totality of a drink. While they work hard at what they do, sometimes a drink falls short of what it could be. I am not a cicerone, or a certified professional who pays a lot of money to learn information already available on the internet but hey, I've had a few beers in my lifetime and I know what I like.

Hazy New England India pale ales are kind of the rage right now. I'll drink any kind of beer really, I've even branched out to Berliner Weiss and sour beers. Although, I tend to stick with pale ales and India pale ales. My girlfriend, however, has fallen in love with the NE India pale ales. Nothing will ever be good enough unless it is hazy with a fruitier hop profile. Creativity struck again and on the anniversary of the Rowsdower, I sat at the bar with my girlfriend at one of our new favorite places to drink, Chill 'N' Fill on Lombard Avenue in North Portland. We enjoy Steve, the weekend bartender there. Before going, we say that we're only going to have a few rounds, but it is really easy to spend an entire afternoon there! The beer selection very good, covers most of the genres of beer. However, when you seek out new brews, it's very easy to attenuate and have every beer in a newly created category of beers.


We ended up mixing a few beers. In the first picture, to the left we made #36 mixing two Matchless products. It was the Son of a Voss pale ale and the Hop Nectar hazy double IPA. I think that the Son of A Voss had a better hop profile with a little more bite than the double IPA which is counter intuitive. It was named #36 at first because the Son of a Voss was #16 on the menu and Hop Nectar was #20...hence the name. The second beer we made was mixing the #36 along with the Boneyard Maine Squeeze making the quintessential New England India pale ale! It really took off! We certainly had a few and even took a Chill 'N' Fill of it home with us. We named it "Gentrified" as many of the neighborhoods are changing to a more posh and urban quarters.

Beers are becoming gentrified. At the core, you have a backbone of beers. Lagers, ales and stouts are the downtown corridor. As beers evolve, they move into areas that were once considered not inhabitable. Coming from the Northeast, I have never come across a New England India pale ale but I'm glad someone came up with it.  It reminds me of a soccer player kicking a ball around, bouncing it up and down and then scoring a perfect goal. Both beer and soccer are an art and both require creativity to find flavors and spaces that didn't exist before. We know that creativity is key and it's breaking beyond the misconception that you can't mix beers that leads to new beers and pushing out into the hinterlands of flavor.

Sunday, July 2, 2017

Das Boot

The bartender handed me a glass of water. "I'm not a fucking house plant..." I was probably on the better side of toasted by the time the bartender handed me that glass of water. It may seem offensive to most but really it's a benchmark of your night. A lot can hinge on that water. What you choose to do with it is up to you.

Recently, I was planning on meeting up with a friend after work.  I was really looking forward to it, the bar just tapped a couple of beers I haven't had before and I was ready for a couple of cold ones. My friend said that he was bounced from his imperial throne rather unceremoniously. 86'ed. In the restaurant business means that the item is no longer available or cut off. After a change of venue, we delved deeper and I got a debriefing. He stated he was having a few beers before we met up. This bar is known to serve a more potent drink, with pale ales and India pale ales taking center stage. The ABV levels typically run around 6% or higher. They can add up after a while. After a couple of these, the bartender called a day early. He said he was maintaining at a decent pace, but she laid it out plain and simple, it's your last one. If you have never been to asked to leave one of your favorite haunts, you're just not drinking right.

Let's think about the weather for a moment. If I tell you that it's going to be 45 degrees outside today, what are you going to wear? Fleece jacket? For a long-suffering Buffalonian, you're breaking out the shorts because you're probably coming off one of the coldest winters on record. People act differently even having the same amount of drinks. Five IPAs for you might make you belligerent where it might make me more debonair - or so I think. Regardless, some of the more grizzled veterans out there can hold their booze without making a scene. There have been times where I thought I was charming after a few pops but the reality was something completely the opposite.

I know that I have been asked to leave a few establishments before I thought I was ready to leave. Although after trying to recollect, I can't specifically name them off the top of my head. I'm guessing this is because I was too drunk for my own good and luckily for you and me, I made it home safe and without incident every time. Actually, I do remember one "recently." I was in downtown Portland doing something and I took the train home and I had to make the two-mile walk back home. I wasn't quite ready to call it a night so I stopped at a bar that was on my way home. They served a beer that they served back in Buffalo, Labatt Blue. Blue was my go to beer because no matter how drunk you were, you could still say "Blue" without sounding like you were drunk. Not that night. I ordered a Blue but really slurred it. The bartender said with no mistake, "you're slurring your words and I can't serve you."

For a boozer like me, you are taken aback. "Are you really asking me to leave?! I pay your bills goddamn it!!! This is America and I demand satisfaction." For the bar patron, you think that you have built a rapport with your drinking Sherpa taking you to the peak of the of those blue mountains on that beer can. You banter back and forth about the banality of daily life but sometimes you can have an honest moment and talk about something real to both of you. On an average day, that's the extent of it. You both go on your merry ways but when you're 86'ed, that's a different story.

It seems like a certain bond is broken. As a kid, I spent a lot of time with my grandparents. I loved them dearly and cherished all of the time I spent with them. I would pretend that I was asleep so when my mom came to pick me up, she would just let me stay the night. At some point, that had to end and either my mom came to pick me up or my grandparents had to drop me off. It was always the worst when they had to drop me off, insofar that I would actually choke up and feel abandoned. I know they didn't want to do it, but it was just something that had to be done.

It's truly hard to explain to someone that hasn't been bum rushed out the front door of an establishment. My friend brought up a good point, where he said I had "it." I have a good poker face and can go for a long time before I'm told to close out. Looking back, I'm really glad I was cut off because obviously, I was in no condition to do so. Maybe that's what caring is, looking at someone who is willing to pay for a service but saying enough is enough. Of course, I'm aware of the legal implications of over-serving intoxicated patrons, but there has to be more than that. Like I said about my friend's case, the bartender asked me the status of my friend when she didn't have to so I'm inclined to believe there were more precipitating events that lead up to his expulsion, but I digress.

Here's my parting shot. There's a scene in Trainspotting where the group goes out to a club for drinking. After the night comes to a conclusion the group couples off. Spud goes home with his girlfriend but passes out before they could have sex. She left him in the bed where he proceeds to shit himself. Ashamed, he tries to take the sheets to the washing machine where he can exonerate himself and wash the sheets. The family is having breakfast in the kitchen and Spud has to explain his situation, wherein the father of Spud's girlfriend says, "it's good to get caught out every once in a while." Simply put, it's OK to fuck up once in a while. As long as no one is drunk driving and killing people, a little shame will do you good. It helps you readjust to a socially acceptable level. "Oh shit, what did I do? Well, I can't let that happen again." It's just part of your social network looking out for you. I'm sure there are hucksters out there looking to steal your money, but when your bartender calls time, it's for your own good. Drink your water and begin your descent from your cruising altitude. You'll need it to flush all of that poison you drank.

If only strip clubs could abide by the same rules...

Thursday, June 8, 2017

Bloody Sunday

For the millennial, brunch is boss. Whether it's because millennials don't work 9-5 jobs or that no one wakes up early for Sunday church services or they're just plain lazy be prepared to wait in line anytime after 10 AM. Restaurant raconteur, Anthony Bourdain has a disdain for brunch, "horrible, cynical way of unloading leftovers and charging 3 times as much as you ordinarily charge for breakfast. It's the least popular shifts for cooks. I've all sorts of deep, highly traumatic memories of my years cooking brunch...hideous." I couldn't agree more. However, there's a saving grace, brunch booze. Mimosas are safe and tame fare but sometimes you need something more to take the edge off. Tomato-based drinks. There are 3 tomato-based drinks that are most popular: the Caesars, the Bloody Mary and the Michelada. If you're a smart cookie, you'd notice that those drinks are the most popular drinks in Canada, USA, and Mexico. Each drink has its own regional difference, but each one is special in its own right and I decided to spend a Sunday creating all three.


Honestly, I never knew how much Canadians love the Caesars. I've worked in bars near the Canadian border and they would have some cans of Clamato stocked. I had no clue about what it was. Clamato is a mix of tomato juice concentrate, spices, and clam broth. I never drank it because I thought it was meant to drink straight from the can and who under the age of 50 drinks tomato juice? The "bloody" Caesar was created in Calgary, Alberta in 1969, Walter Chell mixed vodka with tomato and clam juice, dashes of Worcestershire sauce, hot sauce, celery salt, and pepper. Mott's, that makes Clamato, claims 350 million Caesars are consumed annually. When vacationing in the birthplace of the Caesar, my girlfriend and I decided to see what those Canucks were raving about. We went to the beer store and while picking up some beers, we made a decision, perhaps inebriated, to buy a can of lime Clamato. I couldn't finish my drink, We never got the necessary vodka to cut the sweetness of the lime and tomato. Regardless, you could taste the subtle taste of the clam juice.

A few weeks after our trip, I decided to make my own versions and first I was going to try to make the Caesar. I found it was pretty simple to make, it was easy to pick up a thing of Clamato juice, a lemon and lime, vodka and we already had the Worcestershire sauce and I used Frank's Red Hot. I don't like Tabasco sauce. It is supposed to compliment the smoky flavor of the Worcestershire sauce. I'm a Buffalo guy and we just don't do Tabasco. After making a few, I could understand some of the allure behind it. I was super easy to make. It wasn't a sweltering day, but a Caesar could be a refreshing drink.

Traditional Caesar Recipe
  • 8 oz Clamato juice
  • 2 oz vodka
  • 2 dashes of Worcestershire sauce
  • 2 dashes hot sauce
  • Salt & pepper, to taste
  • Lime wedge & celery stalk for garnish

Origin stories for the Bloody Mary aren't as easy as the Caesar. Unlike the politeness of their neighbors to the north, many people claim to be the creators of American's best-known breakfast cocktail. The only thing that people can agree on is WHEN the drink was made, in the late 1920s or 1930s. People can't even agree on the naming of the drink. Queen Mary of England, you know the name you repeat 3 times in front of your bathroom mirror on Halloween is allegedly the inspiration behind the naming of the drink. Do you know where hot dogs come from? Who cares, just as long as they're delicious.

When at the liquor store, I couldn't remember which spices we had, so we opted for a Bloody Mary mix. Again, this was my first time making this cocktail but as I was following the recipe, it didn't seem like I was making enough. It called for 1/4th of a cup of tomato juice. It skewed on the saltier side.

Bloody Mary
  • 4 parts tomato juice (8 oz)
  • 2 parts vodka (I went with 3 oz)
  • 1 tsp Worcestershire sauce
  • 3/4 tsp horseradish
  • 2 dashes of hot sauce
  • 1 pinch of salt & pepper
  • 1/4 tsp lemon juice
  • Celery stalk (for garnish)
  • Ice


The Michelada is another drink that I was unfamiliar with until I moved to the West Coast. The Bloody Mary reigned supreme throughout the East Coast. Despite regional differences, the core of the drink stayed relatively the same. With the obvious Hispanic influence, I started noticing this drink more. I noticed that it sometimes had a spicier taste which I usually prefer but I could see the excess alcohol burn out of my skin through Tabasco sauce and humidity.

Micheladas have a simple history compared to its American "primo." In Central Mexico, Michel Esper ordered his beer with ice, lime, salt and a straw. I've seen American drunkards do similar. My mom tended bar at a golf driving range in rural Western New York. Locals would order beers with ice and salt. Allegedly, they said it made their drinks stronger, despite conventional wisdom and actual science.

Deep in recesses of a cooler in your local beer store, you'll find prepared Micheladas. Trust me, you will find liquid gold in the cooler section. Many people are afraid to go in, which I understand, it's cold in there. Depending on the store, you'll normally see domestic American adjuncts in 30 packs. This is also where you would find your Clamato and Budweiser Chiladas and Miller Chills. About 10 years ago, "Big Beer" decided to make a splash in the market to market to the brunch crowd. I'm not quite certain about the results but the marketing had subsided.
Working Man's Michelada
  • 25 oz tallboy of Bud Light Lime
  • prepared Clamato juice
  • 2 oz vodka
  • Hot sauce
  • Salt & pepper
Why are we drinking in the morning? Why are the denizens of major metropolitan cities waiting in line for over an hour for overpriced leftovers prepared by disgruntled alcoholics? Booze, pure and simple. Overserved and still drunk from the night before, I am helpless to make my own breakfast. A grown man eating Frosted Flakes on a Sunday is beneath me. When I was a single guy in my late 20s and 30s, I could make an omelet and crack a couple PBRs and coast for the rest of the day. Now that I am a man of means with a savings account and 401(k), I have no issue paying a little extra for something simple as breakfast.

Also, brunch gives us a chance to debrief. I remember a few times where I remember meeting up with friends for a little hair of the dog and asking them to fill in the blanks from the night before. "I did what?" "She said that?" "Oh my God, I can't believe she thought that I was a plastic surgeon, I live in a studio apartment!"

Today was fun too. Luckily, I have someone in my life that wants me to explore my thoughts on this page. She helped by purchasing the necessary ingredients for this project. I had fun trying to make these drinks and I'd love to do this more in the future, perhaps perfecting my own versions. That's the fun of it all. Sure, some people put a lot of stock into "mixology" but really it's about crafting a product that brings people together and have a good time.

Monday, May 29, 2017

The Impossibility of Showing Some Restraint

There's a common truism out that saying that humans are creatures of habit. Sometimes, those habits are bad habits. Thursdays are the unofficial starting point of the weekend so it's super important to start it right. For me, this usually meant going to the weekly Tap Takeover at one of my favorite haunts. I'd typically by a flight of 5 2-ounce samples along with a few more beers. Then, I'd usually stop at a beer store where I buy a 6-pack of something to take home to drink while playing video games. Because of this rock and roll lifestyle, I often forego my daily trip to the gym in my apartment complex.

It's funny how one drink can act as a catalyst of a chain of bad decisions! It reminds me of a scene in the Trailer Park Boys' "Countdown to Liquor Day" where Mr. Lahey, a recovering alcoholic trailer park supervisor wanted to celebrate a perceived moral victory with a sip of beer. His partner, Randy, was concerned and warns him not have a drink. Nevertheless, he did and you could see the alcohol turning the gears in his head. Throughout the movie, he devolves further in an alcoholic stupor. One sip of beer. After my typical Thursday, I have my typical Friday. Usually waking up hungover, I skip the gym in the morning and I usually pick up French toast sticks from Burger King. At lunch, I'll hit up the pizza parlor and get the two slice lunch special or $7 worth of varied items from Taco Bell. I usually drink my dinner. Saturdays are spent watching soccer early in the morning where I may have a few drinks which then continues throughout the day. Same could be said about Sunday, which as of late, I've usually held off drinking on Sundays so I'm not sour on Monday.

Mondays are reserved for sobering moments, such as looking at my bank account or down at the scale when I'm weighing myself. Both are gross numbers. Being somewhat observant, I've noticed some patterns obviously. Pattern recognition is simply noticing regularities in data. That data shows the good habits I've kept through the week went out the window at 5:01 PM on Thursday. Many call it ego depletion. Ego depletion refers to the idea that self-control or willpower draws from a limit pool of mental resources that can be used up. When energy for mental activity is low, self-control is usually impaired, which would be considered a state of ego depletion.

I realized it was high time to show some restraint. There are a couple of reasons for that. First one is financial. I played a game, Figure Out How Much You've Spent On Booze. There are two ways of doing it. You can just take the average month and multiply out 12 and then by active years drinking. That's probably the way I should have done it, but I looked at my Untappd app. I had logged in 1,687 beers at the time of this piece. If each beer goes for $4.50 per beer, that comes to $7,591.50 over the course of a career. But some of those are 6 packs so I did some more math. I also neglected to include the copious amounts of domestic beers I don't log, such as Labatt and Rainier. Back to the first method, on Thursdays, I would spend $12 - $25. Fridays are similar. Saturdays and Sundays are a little more costly ranging from $20-$40. I'm looking at $65 per week and about $270 per month. Surely, these funds could be allocated better.

Health is another reason to show a little more restraint. I bought a car last year and I lost 6-mile round trip walk to and from work. Over that time, I've gained 30 pounds! If left unchecked long term issues such as liver and kidney damage, or high blood pressure or even heart disease.So instead of being a fat, pale white blob, I've decided to make a few changes. Last Thursday, I went to the gym before heading out to the bar. I feel that helped where I actually drank less. This past Thursday, I skipped the bar all together and had a few pops at home, which I paid for on Friday. I still managed to make it to the gym for a little cardio. This past Friday, I caught up with a friend and had two beers at the bar and because the debit card processing system was down, I was unable to buy beer. I had a bottle of gruit beer from Banff Brewing and I was good. I showed some restraint. On Saturday, I bought a beer I haven't had before and I'll probably just stick with that 6 pack.

I'm tinkering around with my diet and drinking because I want to get the most out of my body and life. Drinking less this weekend, I have been able to produce more work than I would have if I was piss drunk. I'm sleeping better and I'm working out more. When I go to weigh myself on Monday, I should see some improvement. If not, at least I have a framework going into the next week.

Editor's note: It is Memorial Day Monday and for all intents and purposes my weekend of restraint is over. Total alcohol intake: 14 beers over 3 days (2/6/6). Between you and I, it was a Herculean feat. I had a plan and I executed. I showed some restraint. My liver, my scale and my wallet are very appreciative. If you are reading this during Memorial Day, enjoy the hot dogs and the cold ones.

Sunday, May 28, 2017

Controlled Demolition

Men in hard hats walk through the empty hallways of an office building. The building used to be alive, teeming with activity but as most things, it has outlived its purpose. A foreman checks the strategic location of the munition to take the building down. As he walks past the fencing used to catch the debris, the foreman adjusts his goggles and began the countdown...3...2...1...

As I sat sweating in my car with a pounding headache in the drive-thru lane of Taco Bell, I was trying to do a rudimentary hungover math. I had 3 IPAs with an ABV of 6% and 2 24-ounce cans of Rainier, which is maybe 5% ABV. If you have a Blood Alcohol Content of 0.08, in most jurisdictions, you are legally impaired and it would take almost 5 and a half hours to completely leave your body. I thought I was doing everything right, I was drinking water and I had something other than beer for dinner. I should have been in the clear! 13 hours later, I was still feeling rough as toast!

This weekend, I was trying to control my alcohol intake. I specifically didn't go to the tap take over as I normally do and I didn't spend any money on Friday. So far, I've only spent $16 late into Saturday evening. That's shocking considering that's normally what I'd spend at the Tap Takeover. Then, I began thinking about it, there were times that I've actually planned out unbridled booze benders. A controlled demolition, if you will.

Many of the situations I could think of Buffalo Bills tailgate parties. They are a marvelous thing to behold, where people get drunk prior to kickoff at 1 PM. Most people show up around 9 AM but there have been people there before then. Some people have drunk the night before and rolled up still drunk. I cannot confirm nor deny my participation in such activities...partially because I don't quite remember. Regardless, you would buy your beer the day before because stores weren't allowed to sell beer before noon on Sundays. People would have to prepare their Jello shots at least the day before. If there were snacks being made, those also had to be prepared beforehand. I remember my ex making Bills-shaped cookies and staying up late at night making sure they were frosted correct. That's dedication and insanity rolled into a delicious cookie. We even had to plan out who was driving home. There's no mass transit in Orchard Park, NY as well as no ride sharing. If you partied hard during the tailgate, you may or may not have passed out in the bleachers. If you passed out in the bleachers, your cat nap helped you sleep off some of the booze.

When I was in college, I would take a long weekend off to play FIFA when it was released every year. I knew I was going to play as much video games as I could within a 72-hour period. I would call off of work and skip classes to go to the grocery store to buy 3 days worth of beer and some food to make sure I wasn't depleting my vitamin B stores and develop some alcoholics disease. If I had eaten all of my food, my favorite pizza place on speed dial. My phone was never answered. No one would be hurt. I wasn't driving anywhere and I only left my room to eat, piss or get more beer.

With most of my "controlled demolitions" I saw to it that I wasn't hurting anyone. If I was turning off to the world, I let loved ones know that I was doing. I always showed up to my grandmother's for Sunday dinner. I would never drive and ultimately, I would try to make sure that I wouldn't be around people. No mean words, no regrets. Just a boy, his booze and his video games. Alcohol advertisements would say, drink responsibly and it was the most responsible way I could imagine.

As I get older, I do these less and less. It really doesn't make sense to go off the rails like I did when I was younger. I no longer call off of work to play video games. I don't go to many sporting events, but if I do, I usually keep it pretty tame. I also live in a place where I have easy access to public transportation and ride-sharing, like Lyft and Uber. Even now, I'm more health conscious realizing that my internal organs have a certain mileage on them. I've began trying to fit healthy eating and exercise to allot for a few drinks. Last night I saw my 6-pack had cost me 750 calories, so I stopped my intake because I was approaching my limit for the day.

Sunday, May 14, 2017

Quality Control

I can probably count on one hand how many beers I could not finish due to its taste. Hell, I'm the guy who walked into a bar and saw an unfinished shot of Jagermeister in a divey Mexican restaurant and drank it down. Of the beers I could not finish, they were concept beers. I just poured out a session IPA because of particles inside the bottle and an odd papery, pineapple, stale taste. After doing some research, Beer Advocate users rated this beer as a moderate/good beer with a score of 84 out of 100. By that score, I wouldn't have expected what I got.



When you walk into your local beer or grocery store, the fluorescent lights highlight the many rows of bottles. After 40 years after the post-prohibition adventurers such as the Anchor brewery, Ballast Point, New Albion then the second generation of Sierra Nevada and Samuel Adams; the choices of beers are the highest it has ever been. In the articles I've written and the beers I've checked in, the United States is awash in craft beer. To overcome the paralysis of analysis is a Herculean feat. If you're like me, you check your Untappd app for things you haven't tried before. However, the abundance of choice has its detriment.

The ale Americans have come to love in the craft beer age is the India Pale Ale.  The style's beginnings are quite interesting. According to many sources, there was a London exporter who was shipping beers that would take 6 months to be shipped to the British abroad in the far east of India. Some people were complaining about the hoppiness of the beer, so another brewer added more hops to their recipe, giving it the taste of freshness.  Typically, India pale ales pack a punch, with 6 to 7.5% alcohol by volume. The malt profile is light, a pale to deep amber color. However, IPAs are known for its hops.  My friend, those hops.  The hoppiness of the beer is measured in International Bitterness Units (IBUs) and the American India Pale Ales can vary from 65 IBUs and higher. I've tapped out at 95 IBU without making that whiskey face. Needless to say, this beer is made to take a punch then give a punch. It's made to travel.

Have you ever seen something in a 7-Eleven, bodega or mini-mart and known, beyond a shadow of a doubt that something has been on the shelf longer than it has. I have been there before, hell a couple of times and I've bought plenty of beer there. I've been hurt before. Those same beers that are renown for maintaining their freshness cannot stand the test of time.  How can a beer that is made to be shipped over half of the Earth go skunky in a cooler? A better question is, how can something be made locally suffer an even greater fate?

The rule of thumb is that a beer can last 8 to 12 months, if refrigerated and kept from direct light. Beers in brown bottles reflect light at a better rate than those beers in a clear or green bottle. American India Pale ales are a year-long offering, fresh-hopped beers are typically available after the hop harvest in late August and September. If you live in the Pacific Northwest, you can expect a Fresh Hop festival in October. I think it's something that the hop growers of Western New York should embrace. A fresh-hopped beer should be a beer enjoyed before breaking out the Oktoberfest and Marzen beers. The final breath of summer.

Again, I pose the question, how can such a hearty beer become so skunky? Start the clock after the bottling process where a beer can sit in a factory's store room waiting to be bought from a distributor. It then becomes the distributor's job to sell this beer to the stores. Once bought by the stores, then it is up to you, the consumer to buy said product. Normally, this process doesn't take 8 months - it should be an in-and-out process. However, we live in an interesting time. A time of ultimate choice.

Everyone has heard the story of a grandmother from Russia who came to an American supermarket and dropped to her knees, succumbed to the sheer amount of choice compared her Soviet stores of the past. I've experienced that in my lifetime. I remember a time where my mom would go to Consumer Beverage and loaded up on beer balls or cases of the American adjust lagers that our grandparents and parents grew up on. From famine to feast.

I'm not asking for fewer choices, however, I need to remember that if there is a beer I've never had before was bought ages ago. Taking the beer I couldn't finish today into consideration, the brewer intended that beer to be consumed in the summertime. Founders make a year-round session IPA and my fault is that I assumed. That papery and stale taste is from the oxidation of malt component and increases as the beer get older. Now with the choices, we have available, the onus for quality control lies with us all. Some breweries have a "brewed on" date which is helpful to the consumer because we can know how old our potential beer is. The responsibility also lies with the distributor and merchants. If merchants hold themselves to a higher standard and only sell the freshest product, distributors will make price corrections to get rid of excess product before it goes bad. Supermarkets need better buyers. Some of the larger chains will buy larger quantities thinking that people will enjoy the variety but if people buy a bad brew, how apt are they to buy beer there again? I know that I am hesitant buying beer from Whole Foods.

Quality control is all of our responsibilities.

Thelma and Lake Louise

"The world is a book, and those who do not travel only read one page."
-Saint Augustine
My excitement kept me from getting a good night's sleep. I remember helping my grandfather load the van full of fishing gear and he told me to get some shut-eye because we had a long drive ahead of us. I was maybe 9 years old at the time when I made my first trip to Fernleigh, Ontario. I had been to Canada before as a kid, going to Marineland and such, but this was the first time I could conceptualize what it actually meant to travel to a "foreign" country. Using a different kind of currency, different television shows and just doing new things were appealing to the younger version of me. In fact, they still are.

Throughout my youth, I had a sense of wanderlust, the strong desire to travel and explore the world. There were class trips to Boston and Montreal, while there were chances to go to New York City and Washington D.C. that I was not able to enjoy. Sometimes, it was a bit cumbersome to travel as my family didn't have disposable income and you can only sell so many candy bars door-to-door. Life always has a way of working itself out and when I thought I have been priced out of being an exchange student, I met someone who was involved with the Rotary Club. The Rotary Club doesn't charge an up-front price for exchanges, they find 1 to 3 families that host an exchange student and even provide a monthly stipend. All I had to do is find the airfare to get there, which my grandfather purchased for me. He'd also make sure I had enough walking around money and I was never left wanting. It was in Finland where I got the chance to travel throughout the country and into neighboring Estonia, Russia and Sweden. I was even enjoying the airport experience in Copenhagen and London where I bought probably the most expensive toast and cappuccino I will ever buy.

Traveling alone is one thing. There were road trips to Montreal and Toronto that I would do on a whim. Life in Buffalo became too mundane and I need french fries covered in cheese curds and gravy. The trip from Buffalo to Montreal was a 6-hour jaunt east the I-90, north on I-81 then east on Highway 401. Poutine Paradise! Something was missing though. Previously, I usually went with someone or a group of people. Also, this was at a point in my life where I wasn't quite as affluent as I'd like to be. Either I'd sleep in my car or just make the long drive home.

Then there's traveling with someone. It's an interesting concept because sometimes things have to be a compromise. People's preferences vary. When I was online dating, women would list where they've been (but not whom they've been with). A lot of them had pictures with them on some beach somewhere and I'd sit there thinking, "I'd never go to Thailand in a million fucking years." Apparently, they hand out trips to Bali to every basic white girl, along with a fedora and barre fitness classes. They'd always be in that stupid yoga pose where you have one foot on your knee and your hands folded like you're praying. Give me a break. *Swipe left*



Leading up to a planned vacation could cause some consternation. Planning where to stay is especially difficult. I already hate planning and I often love waiting to the last minute, but I end up shooting myself in the foot, so it's always good to have someone who wants to figure it out first. Do you know where Banff, Alberta is? My girlfriend and I didn't. It may as well have been in space but it was through one of her co-workers that gave her the tip to stay in Canmore rather than Banff in order to save money. Prices were negligibly different, so we differed to the pro. Canmore was great but you could see it in a few minutes. Banff would have been a good base as well because we'd end up going back a few times throughout our stay. Specifically for the pastries of Le Fournil bakery. They are by far the best pastries I've had and I've eaten plenty.

Your choice of travel partner is important. Look what happened to Thelma and Louise, what started as a weekend road trip ended up in with a murder and double suicide. If you were on the S.S. Minnow, a 3-hour tour turned into Jean-Paul Sartre's vision of purgatory. So, what to do during a vacation could be difficult if you're not on the same page. Personally, I have no qualms with going somewhere and just bar/brewery hop. Most people I travel with will oblige my desires. Looking back over past trips, I'm realizing that I've been pretty selfish when it comes to reciprocity. I don't think I've said, "just water for me, it's the girl's turn to let her hair down and cut loose." That might be something I look into more.


Needless to say, but the scenery of the Canadian Rockies is breathtaking. Maybe that's because of the altitude. Mountainous terrain with snow-capped peaks. Banff & Lake Louise is where a lot of the area's skiing happens. Lake Louise is the first stop for the Alpine Skiing World Cup circuit takes place. We decided to take a gondola to the top of the mount and the view was amazing but it was there I remembered I wasn't a big fan of heights. My Olympic downhill skiing aspirations were dashed right there, but we concluded that there was no real reason to get out. Japanese tourists were flashing their gang signs so we decided to head to Chateau Fairmont for a few pictures. After getting our fill of picturesque panoramas, we decided to go to my favorite brewery in all of Alberta, Banff Avenue Brewing.

We visited Banff Avenue Brewing the previous day on our way to Canmore. We had some time to kill before checking in, but we didn't drink our fill because the girlfriend thought it was a bad idea to drive drunk in a foreign country. LAME!!! So we sat exactly where we did before, with the same bartender. It was great because he was a great bartender, jovial and helpful. We got a couple of inside tips of where to eat and drink. I also got a chance to talk shop with one of the head brewers. Brewers are great people to talk to because it's one of those jobs you have to have a passion for. You typically won't hear a brewer wake ups and say "Aw shit, time to wake up and make beer." We chatted about hop profiles and all things brewing related. He also gave us a tour of their brewing setup, which was impressive given the size of the operation.

You don't realize how easy it is to talk to people, but a vacation will remind you of it. In our first night in Canmore, we were at an English-style pub and met a couple. We spent a large chunk of the evening talking about what we did for a living and after a few beverages, we turned to politics. Politics is a volatile topic, to begin with, but the current climate doesn't help things. Being the worldly man I am, I was able to deftly explain the current state of affairs as well as talk about Canadian politics. Kevin and Shelly were sweet people and I wish only the best for them. But it goes without saying, sitting on a bar stool with an open mind goes a long way. We were able to talk to bartenders and fellow bar flies. On our last night in Canmore, Erika began speaking with someone at the table next to us. He was sitting there with a sketchbook and they were talking about something. I couldn't hear initially because I'm already hard of hearing and there was a Jack-and-Jill party going on. As an aside, don't do a Jack-and-Jill party. Bachelor and bachelorette parties are already annoying for everyone except the party involved. Somehow we got on the topic of creativity and making time to create. When I have downtime at work, I like to think about topics I'd like and research them, but this blog, in particular, I have been having a hard time with. My drinking habits have changed overall but in the last year specifically. Outside of the rare occasion where I get together with friends where I go above and beyond when I'm at home, I am rarely tying one on. I'm not content to have just one or two with dinner or get the creative juices flowing. My conversation with Peter helped recenter what I want to do with this page and I decided to renew it for another year.

This trip through British Columbia, Alberta, Idaho, Washington, and Oregon was a good one for me. It reminded me of the natural beauty of the region. Specifically, when we were driving through the Columbia Gorge, I was reminded that that beauty is here in my backyard. I will definitely visit the Canadian Rockies again, however it may be during the summertime. Lake Louis was still frozen and the trails were a bit soggy. Beyond the physical splendor, it gave me a chance for repose. Away from the computer and phone screens, it was just me and the girlfriend. We had some great conversations and some sour ones. We were able to overcome those differences and harsh words because when you're among giant mountains, things seem trivial.

In my valedictory, I implore you just as Saint Augustine did to read more than just one page of the book of life. Get out there and have a beer with someone special and start a conversation with a stranger. Maybe even read and share this blog?

Saturday, April 29, 2017

Cheap drinks

Have you ever asked someone what their favorite food was and then became disappointed? Maybe it was on a date and she ordered the most basic thing on the menu. It absolutely breaks your heart. When you live in Portland, you live in a land of pure imagination. Vegan dog treats. Crochet co-ops. Goat yoga. It is as if Willy Wonka's factory was smack dab in Portland, Oregon. With 58 breweries in metro Portland, I could have any beer I wanted. I could have double IPAs, goses, sours, bruins...just about anything. If I brought home a 6 pack of Budweiser, was I some how betraying the craft beer cause?

While living in Boston, Massachusetts, I frequented a British pub called the Banshee. After a few Carlsbergs on an early Saturday morning watching Premier League soccer. After talking about the Liverpool game we were watching, I noticed we was drinking a Budweiser. What?! There's no shortage of Guinness at this pub, along with Bass or Harp. Has this man lost his mind? So I ask him, "why Bud?" He takes another pull and in his Irish brogue he goes, "because it's the same no matter where you are in the world." Irish profundity at it's best.

Let's talk about American Adjunct Lager. It almost sounds as if it's a Franken-food, like a meat by-product. According to Randy Mosher in Tasting Beer, corn and rice adjunct beers date back to 1540 in the Americas but it was popularized in the 1800s. If rice or corn is in the recipe, it's an adjunct and as the quantity of rice and corn goes up the price goes down. Legally in the United States, a beer can be as much as 50% "adjunct." Adjunct beers are drier and there is a slight malty taste to it, if there's corn then there will be a sweeter taste to it. If rice is used as an adjunct, then you'll notice a crisper taste to it. The uninitiated will confuse the Bohemian and German pilsner styles with American adjuncts because they have a similar flavor, but the true difference are the ingredients used.

Really, I think the heart of the matter is the Alcohol by Volume (ABV) level: 3.8-5%. American adjuncts are "sipping" beers wherein you can have 6 without really feeling it the next morning. The average ABV of an India Pale Ale is around 4-7%. I've seen some IPAs redline around 7.5% ABV before breaking into the Double IPA division. Most people have memories of parents or grandparents always having a "domestic" in tow. Note, sometimes I use the term domestic to refer to a macrobrewery such as Anheuser-Busch or Labatt if you live close enough to the Canadian border.

I grew up in a rural area of Western New York. Explaining craft beer to people from there would be explaining the Internet to the Pilgrims. However in the modest town of Batavia, New York lies an oasis for curious drinkers, Angotti's. It is a Batavian institution! They offered a wide range of offerings and even home brewing equipment. This was my first foray into the craft beer world. I remember spending my paltry wages in that store to at the very least to be that guy who has had that beer before.  Throughout my time as an undergraduate, I would travel to stores like Angotti's or Consumer Beverage to find that drink that I haven't had before. Almost as if it was a game! While my roommates played beer pong with Busch, I was playing with Sam Adams. I was Robert DeNiro in Deer Hunter and I was playing with 3 bullets! I would never sully my palate with an adjunct.

That was until I decided to put down the Xbox controller and head to the bars to meet the acquaintance of fellow binge drinkers of a different gender. Trolling for puntang, whichever terminology you like. If you want to be cool, drink craft beers in a bar circa 2008. If you want to be poor, drink craft beers in a bar circa 2008. That's where I knew I had to change the way I thought about my tact. What you drink should fit when your drinking. There's a reason why Coronas are beach beers, you can sit and drink a bunch of them throughout the day without getting super drunk. You're not going to a tailgate and shotgunning a schwarzbier. No, you're going to do that with a Labatt because you'll be sleeping in the bleachers pissing yourself before the first quarter ends and not at halftime which is culturally acceptable.

No, I hear you beer snob. Never Trump and Never Bud. You're too good to enjoy the carnal pleasure of responsible day drinking and you want to throw it all way for the guise of vanity. No, I get it - you have a brand. Well friend, I have a solution for you, the session IPA.  The lore of the session india pale ale stems from the British tradition of session drinking. Colloquially, it's referred to day drinking. You know how those Brits are all prim and proper. It's not butt sex, it's rear penetration. Like any government, Her Majesty's Revenue Service taxes by the gravity of the beer. Gravity is the rough calculation of how much alcohol will end up in the finalized product. So, higher gravity beers will have a higher alcohol content and therefore will be taxed more. So, for the layman a session IPA is the Bud Light of the IPA family. Cyril Higgenbotham can wander into the pub for lunch and have his Ploughman's lunch and if he wanted to make a day of it, he could stay in that pub and stay there until his missus drags his ass home Andy Capp style. Over the past 5 years, there's been a deluge of session IPAs, the most ubiquitous being Founders All Day IPA. You can't go wrong with those sassy suds. But, if you were like me, here's a list of other session IPAs from Rate Beer.

Regardless of your stature in life, your drink should reflect your activity. You shouldn't wear a suit to the beach and you shouldn't drink double IPAs if you plan growing roots in your barstool. Last night I drank a 6 pack of Iron City and had a couple of glasses of water in between and I woke up chipper and ready to hash out this article. Later, while watching the Timbers game I can partake a few stronger drinks and then switch it up to Miller Lite and just coast on that buzz until I wake up to watch soccer. There's nothing wrong with drinking a cheap beer from time to time. No one is judging and if they are, to hell with them.

 Smart people plan ahead and drink responsibly. You're smart, aren't you?

Friday, April 28, 2017

A Change of the Season

The days are getting longer. The relentless rains of Portland are subsiding to yield cherry blossoms.  Denizens of the Pacific Northwest are beginning to emerge from the 7 months of torrential rain but this is nothing really new. After living in Buffalo, I was changing out the precipitation type, but it almost seemed worth it. Springtime anywhere signifies a stark change from the winter of our discontent.

Yesterday I received an email in my inbox. The domain name, A Drunken Production, is up for renewal. This is the second rendition of A Drunken Production. The first was hosted by SquareSpace at http://adrunk.squarespace.com and I used Facebook to promote it. It was almost monthly where I would put out my drunk thought du mois. Rarely did I provide my takes on the drinks I drank nor the places I visited. It was a pure stream-of-conscious writing. Have a couple of pops and pour my heart out about my thoughts on drinking culture. I even designed a logo and made t-shirts. I've handed them out to friends and family.

I was laying it all out there for the world to see. Friends and family met the page with praise and concern. Many lauded it. Not to toot my own horn, but I would put it out there for the world to see. Despite the words I used to paint a picture, many people saw things that may or not have been there. It all depends on our relationship with drinking. People who grew up with people who dealt with alcohol issues were concerned about my writing. They may have seen the early workings of their own loved ones devolving into an alcoholic stupor. During 2014 and 2015, that may have been the case. I was using Untappd a lot. Every time I checked in a beer, a badge would appear on my Facebook page and Twitter. The frequency of which may have been alarming to loved ones. Now looking back over the material, I would have been concerned for a friend who wrote that. The written form and the spoken form are two different animals. If the person reading the article who did not partake in the event may not understand the situations that led up to that point and the circumstance itself. Perhaps the onus was on me to further develop my idea. To let the reader know that I may have dove down to the depths of the sea but I had a scuba tank and a harpoon.

The second iteration of A Drunken Production was born from the ashes of the SquareSpace domain. I already had t-shirts for the love of Christ! But, if you're following the chronology, A Drunken Production v.1 went from March 2014 to March 2015. It wasn't until May 2016 where I decided to put the fingers to keys and pen A Drunken Production v2.0. What happened? Well, there plenty of writing but not the financial backing to pay for a domain. When I first came to Portland, I was staying on a friend's couch. I spent about 3 weeks on that couch and a lot of it was spent traveling around Portland drinking then coming back and punching out some words. But the one-time payment of $12.99 meant a six pack of craft beer or a 12 pack of cheap domestic. Either way, I felt those funds were better allocated to the pickled pursuit of exploration. I've explored southwest Portland, every hop and barley.

After a 7 month stint at a call center, I decided to throw caution in the air to apply to a software company as a temporary employee. Normally, I was used to making impulsive and rash decisions. I was used to eating a daily ration of 2 hot dogs from 7-Eleven and drinking a 6 pack of Pabst Blue Ribbon and watching Netflix or some other sad pursuit. However, that was under the auspices of a stable 40 hour per week job. Dating was a thing but when you don't have living room furniture, it's hard to connote stability. Without a car or normal benchmarks of a stable human being, I embraced my situation. I gained resolve through the debauchery. Every day I woke up hung over from drinking more and more PBR and playing video games until the last possible moment before legitimately performing my job became a game. Even more so during the summer time. Thus my blog.

Creativity is one of those odd things that never be explained. It was through my drunken, debaucherous capers where I could draw upon to tell interesting tales. May 2016 marked the beginning of a stable period for me. I gained meaningful employment in March 2016 and I was able to think of things beyond things like where the next meal was coming from. Through March and May of 2016, I was able to have a monthly surplus. A friend of mine needed a place to crash and there was an additional $200 coming into my bottom line. A savings account sprouted from that and I was able to save for a car. Things kicked off from there.

So throughout 2016, I tried to regale the masses with drunken stories but the thing was...things have changed. I was able to eat regular meals. I was able to go to the Cheerful Bullpen or any other local bar and drink a night's worth of beer and not worry if bills were going to be paid. Maybe that's where I lost my edge. By no means had I given up the fight, but I lost my punch. I wasn't raging from Friday until Monday morning.

So here we are in 2017. Stability has set in and my domain renewal is due. I'm truly wondering what the next step is. Is there a third stanza to this song? Perhaps the next iteration of A Drunken Production will shine the light of someone drinking in his 30s? I'm also working on another project, Redefining Form, where I spit my hot takes on soccer, rugby and the world of fitness.

As I write this, I don't know how to proceed. I want to be the purveyor of soccer knowledge. I have been following the game for so long. Also, I want to maintain the DrunkenProduction life. So you tell me. Perhaps if A Drunken Production had more of a flow...a raison d'etre. I don't know what my readers want.  Please email me at adrunkenproduction.com and tell me your thoughts. What do you want to see? More raw beats or my thoughts about the actual beer?




Wednesday, March 22, 2017

The Audacity!!!

Reading is fundamental! I was sitting in the sauna recently trying to finish the book I'm about to talk about and someone remarked about the title of the book. "The Audacity of Hops, that's some title," she said. Then she said that the only time she has to read is on a long trip on a plane or a vacation and as I sat there sweating, I found myself agreeing with the common trope. We're no longer readers.

I bought The Audacity of Hops back in the summer of 2014. I know this because I used a pamphlet from the store I bought the book from as a bookmark. I remember walking into that store, not really knowing what to buy. Kegworks was a walk-in store that catered to bars and craft beer. If there was anything beer related, Kegworks had it. As an alleged bibliophile, I was looking over the library section looking for something new to read when the clerk noticed that I was interested. He pointed out this book and I capitulated.  The secondary title looked alluring "the history of America's Craft Beer Revolution." Being 2014 and living in Buffalo, New York, I thought I was living at peak craft beer. How naive was I?

Part 1 hammered down on the beginnings of craft beer when it was an actual craft and not just a name. Author Tom Acitelli began telling the story about Fritz Maytag and the Anchor Steam Brewery. As I learned from a wine trip to Northern California, the craft beer scene technically started there as well. I suppose there is some kind of spiritual energy in that area because the area that is considered the Italy of America in terms of wine. In San Francisco, Fritz Maytag was looking to expand his business acumen outside of the appliance field saved a closing brewery in 1965. He reinvigorated the California Common lager. He was operating at the time of Big Brewery, wherein the big Post Prohibition conglomerates such as Anheuser-Busch and Miller were flooding the markets with bland but consistent beer. Maytag maintained a commitment to quality, as his family did. Maytag appliances were made to last - remember the commercials with the repairman waiting for a call? Maytag believed in using quality ingredients and sold it to bars and restaurants in the San Francisco area.

Another forefather listed in this book was Jack McAuliffe, who I consider the George Washington of craft brewing. Even for a "woke AF" beer guy, I have never heard of Jack McAuliffe but he was the godfather of the craft. When you walk into a Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu place, there's the picture of Helio Gracie - the godfather of Brazilian jiu-jitsu. You bow to him when you first walk onto the mat. It should be the same with craft brewers and Jack McAuliffe. McAuliffe's foray into craft brewing started when he was in the US Navy and had a submarine stop in Scotland. While on leave, he came across The Big Book of Brewing by Dave Line. As a passionate welder, he crafted his own brewery equipment in Sonoma, California. The same neck of the woods as Fritz Maytag in San Francisco. The book describes McAuliffe's arduous work, brewing a majority of waking hours. Local intrigue piqued and many tried to visit McAuliffe's set up, the New Albion brewery. If you didn't have an appointment, you were kindly told to fuck off. After reading this book, I often wonder what that beer would taste like. Would it be the hoppy slop of most craft breweries or some kind of hybrid? Breweries are like the yeast they employ to make alcohol - it usually comes from a common source. The New Albion brewery lasted roughly 6 years. They didn't succumb to lack of demand, but to higher demand and Jack McAuliffe's refusal to skimp on quality. He later sold the equipment to Mendocino Brewing and became the head brewer.

Part 2 of this book goes on to illustrate the second phase of craft brewing. A lot of the pages went into explaining the formation of one of the more recognizable names we have in craft beer, Sierra Nevada. Definitely worth the read, but I thought there was something more to this act. The birth of the brew pub. In 2017 that seems almost patellar response. Why would you not have a hamburger with a couple of craft beers?! Historically on the East Coast, city authorities would insist that breweries serve food with their beer offerings. If you were to go to a bar in Buffalo, they'd have to offer some type of food if you were getting something to drink. This is why a bologna sandwich with peppers and onions or popcorn are the apex of the Buffalo dive bar.  In 1981, in Yakima, Washington, Bert Grant made it official. He started the first brewpub since Prohibition. Bert Grant's story is worth investigating in his own right. A Scottish immigrant who moved to Toronto, Ontario and got a job at 16 was a beer taster. With European roots, he worked on a hop farm in the Pacific Northwest. Due to legislation in 1979 and 1981, the ability brew beer, sell it on premises as long as there was food. That began a snowball which I'm glad grew. As an aside, the marijuana businesses in the Pacific Northwest and the West may be better served if they begin to think of marijuana outside of its constructs. As Bert Grant's expedition into mixing home brewed, craft beer with food; the marijuana industry could integrate with other industries. As soon as you start mixing, the harder it becomes to legislate. Akin to the Dutch coffee shops that have marijuana, baked goods and coffee products - the American market should move towards that for further integration and acceptance on a federal level.

Part 3 talks about the first shake out of craft beers in the mid-1980s. A lot of breweries fell to the recession of the late 1970s and early 1980s. This area was also the birth of one of the juggernauts of the industry, the Boston Beer Company, commonly known as Samuel Adams. One of the mantras from Jack McAuliffe "history is important in the brewing industry - but, if you don't have a history, you can just make it up." The eponymous Samuel Adams was a malter but he wasn't an actual brewer. That didn't matter to Jim Koch,  a Harvard graduate living in Boston selling home brew. Later in the book, there was a discussion about contract brewing and Central New York brewer, F.X. Matt. Between you and I, I don't mind the concept of contract brewing. In essence, the contract brewer provides the facilities for the brewer to create the recipe per their recipe. Despite a disparaging interview between Jim Koch and Dateline, craft beer would persevere. There was a recession to the mean between the American drinking population and Big Beer. I remember a track from Denis Leary's "Lock 'n' Load" album where he lamented about craft beer. Mentioned both in this book and Leary's tirade was Pete's Wicked Ale and the Christmas flavors of Samuel Adams. I remember specifically going to a New England Revolution game and getting a Sam Adams Christmas pack and only drinking a handful of the 12 pack. It's a good way to maintain sobriety.

Part 4 illustrated the current state of affairs. After 2 major recessions to the craft beer market, we are seeing a change in the consumer. Typically, when it comes to craft beers, you imagine dark-rimmed glasses, fashionable stubble and tight blue jeans describing the nuance of hop profiles. Personally, I've called this into question, because unchecked ego often begets an inflated sense of self. For instance, pretend to be an expert in just about anything. Feel free to use words to describe an experience that is subjective to an experience, such as taste. It happens in the world of spirits and wine all the time. How can you explain the taste of tobacco in a deep red wine? Those flavors are not congruent and you're making up words to sound important. I hate the current state of craft brew because jagoffs like me can get in on it and add whichever stupid words we want.

At the end of the day, it took almost 3 years for me to read this book. It's not as though it's uninteresting content. In retrospect, I liked learning about Maytag and McAuliffe because I had no idea of their existence before this book but also it's a recognition of their efforts to provide a quality product which involved actual work. There wasn't a group of scientists at the New Albion brewery creating a hop extract creating a uniformity in a product that can be shipped worldwide. Jack McAuliffe lived above his brewery creating art. The book ran dry because it was a collection of stories, more of an anthology. Although it told a story overall, it was rather piecemeal. I'm glad I read it because it instilled a sense of history into something that I thought was a novel idea. You can buy this book by clicking the link I provided in the article itself.

Na Zdrowie!!!

'Tis the Season

 Generally, people view the New Year holiday as a tabla rasa event, otherwise known as a blank slate. However, laying in bed one night, I r...