Controlled Demolition

Men in hard hats walk through the empty hallways of an office building. The building used to be alive, teeming with activity but as most things, it has outlived its purpose. A foreman checks the strategic location of the munition to take the building down. As he walks past the fencing used to catch the debris, the foreman adjusts his goggles and began the countdown...3...2...1...

As I sat sweating in my car with a pounding headache in the drive-thru lane of Taco Bell, I was trying to do a rudimentary hungover math. I had 3 IPAs with an ABV of 6% and 2 24-ounce cans of Rainier, which is maybe 5% ABV. If you have a Blood Alcohol Content of 0.08, in most jurisdictions, you are legally impaired and it would take almost 5 and a half hours to completely leave your body. I thought I was doing everything right, I was drinking water and I had something other than beer for dinner. I should have been in the clear! 13 hours later, I was still feeling rough as toast!

This weekend, I was trying to control my alcohol intake. I specifically didn't go to the tap take over as I normally do and I didn't spend any money on Friday. So far, I've only spent $16 late into Saturday evening. That's shocking considering that's normally what I'd spend at the Tap Takeover. Then, I began thinking about it, there were times that I've actually planned out unbridled booze benders. A controlled demolition, if you will.

Many of the situations I could think of Buffalo Bills tailgate parties. They are a marvelous thing to behold, where people get drunk prior to kickoff at 1 PM. Most people show up around 9 AM but there have been people there before then. Some people have drunk the night before and rolled up still drunk. I cannot confirm nor deny my participation in such activities...partially because I don't quite remember. Regardless, you would buy your beer the day before because stores weren't allowed to sell beer before noon on Sundays. People would have to prepare their Jello shots at least the day before. If there were snacks being made, those also had to be prepared beforehand. I remember my ex making Bills-shaped cookies and staying up late at night making sure they were frosted correct. That's dedication and insanity rolled into a delicious cookie. We even had to plan out who was driving home. There's no mass transit in Orchard Park, NY as well as no ride sharing. If you partied hard during the tailgate, you may or may not have passed out in the bleachers. If you passed out in the bleachers, your cat nap helped you sleep off some of the booze.

When I was in college, I would take a long weekend off to play FIFA when it was released every year. I knew I was going to play as much video games as I could within a 72-hour period. I would call off of work and skip classes to go to the grocery store to buy 3 days worth of beer and some food to make sure I wasn't depleting my vitamin B stores and develop some alcoholics disease. If I had eaten all of my food, my favorite pizza place on speed dial. My phone was never answered. No one would be hurt. I wasn't driving anywhere and I only left my room to eat, piss or get more beer.

With most of my "controlled demolitions" I saw to it that I wasn't hurting anyone. If I was turning off to the world, I let loved ones know that I was doing. I always showed up to my grandmother's for Sunday dinner. I would never drive and ultimately, I would try to make sure that I wouldn't be around people. No mean words, no regrets. Just a boy, his booze and his video games. Alcohol advertisements would say, drink responsibly and it was the most responsible way I could imagine.

As I get older, I do these less and less. It really doesn't make sense to go off the rails like I did when I was younger. I no longer call off of work to play video games. I don't go to many sporting events, but if I do, I usually keep it pretty tame. I also live in a place where I have easy access to public transportation and ride-sharing, like Lyft and Uber. Even now, I'm more health conscious realizing that my internal organs have a certain mileage on them. I've began trying to fit healthy eating and exercise to allot for a few drinks. Last night I saw my 6-pack had cost me 750 calories, so I stopped my intake because I was approaching my limit for the day.