CRACK
The batter hits the ball as a middle-aged guy empties a 24-ounce, overpriced domestic lager into a plastic cup. Remember the Coneheads from Saturday Night Live? The guy pouring my beer was wearing one of those prosthetics. It was in the heat of summer, and I was roasting like one of the hotdogs at the concession stand. Imagine what was going on under that rubber cap! Sitting with friends at a sporting event, having a couple of cold ones, and watching a game was the pinnacle of relaxation for me. Now with the COVID-19 virus showing no signs of abating, will we ever have the have that experience again?
Other than losing four consecutive NFL Super Bowls in a row, the Buffalo Bills are known for its fans. Bills Mafia varies as a group, be it drunk people dressed in Zubaz pants jumping from the tops of busses onto folding card tables to ardent fans. No matter how you identify, the Bills tailgate experience is unparalleled. Even if you weren’t a fan of the sport or the team, you could still go to a tailgate that started at an uncomfortably early hour on a Sunday. If you were a certain age, you may still be drunk from the night before. I’m not sure I was one of those “die-hards” who went out drinking until 4 AM and rolled up on a tailgate at 7 or 8 in the morning. I’d be willing to bet that did happen. Unlike potlucks at work, where you begrudgingly bring utensils or some cheap cracker plate you bought last minute at the store, a lot of people put a lot of thought into their offerings. There were nights I remember icing cutout Bills-shaped sugar cookies because my girlfriend at the time baked them. Spending hours cooking wings and rolling them into wonton wrappers. Depending on the time of year, there might be a deep-fried turkey or some venison making an appearance on your plate. The last game I was at, we stopped at Wegman’s and picked up some pizza logs to backstop the many Labatt Blues we were going to consume.
The reason why a pregame or tailgate is part of a complete gameday breakfast is that concessions at the game are so overpriced. But, there is a hidden gem. Have you ever heard of "crack beer?" Some may call it a wive's tale, it is thought that draught beer at arenas and ballparks are more potent because of the beer ferments in the lines from the kegs to the taps. Again, totally unsubstantiated rumors but certainly worth considering. There are countless games I can actually remember - Bills, Bisons, Sabres, Pirates, Tigers, Red Sox where I'd have that sweet crack beer nectar.
Baseball games are notoriously boring. The sport saw its heyday when you listened to a game over the radio. When we look back, either through movies or television, storytellers will tell stories that their parents took them to a ball game when they were kids or playing catch in the backyard. The New York Yankees have a storied history and have a special place in the hearts of older baseball aficionados. I didn’t have that shared story. My grandfather loved baseball, played back in the days when it was America’s Pastime but never went out to a game. My stepdad couldn’t care less about baseball. So, I always had a foot on each side of the line, I wanted to be interested in baseball but the sheer banality kept me at arm’s length. It wasn’t until I could have a few pops at the game until I started enjoying baseball. Reflecting back, something morphed after a few of those beers. The most important thing wasn’t the game or the beers. It was being around friends and people that I liked being around. The beer and the game were a conduit to great conversations and the shit talk trumped the actual spectacle.
I began writing this in late May 2020, when we were a couple of months into the coronavirus situation. Most major sports were on hiatus as leagues decided the best path forward. Many sports, like Major League Soccer, NBA and NHL constructed “bubbles” where teams were housed and performed in closed environments. If you ever did travel hockey or soccer, it would be like going to a tournament and that’s what it was, except with overpriced, underdelivered meals. Now, it’s September and the MLS concluded its MLS is Back tournament and resumed regular season play to empty stadia. Gone are the days of having a few pregame beers at a local brewery or bar that’s around Providence Park. Or trying to figure out what the macaroni and cheese were featured at the game and debating if we wanted to stop at a bar on the way home for a gyro. The NFL will start without fans in surrounding area bars, parking lots, or the stadia. I’m sure after enough time has passed, we’ll be somewhere we used to be. I’m not certain what that’s going to look like, but I’m really looking forward to another tailgate or a post-game tater tots with country gravy meal. Maybe there is a concession stand with the motherload of crack beer aging to perfection for when we are finally able to return? I can only hope.
