'Tis the Season

 Generally, people view the New Year holiday as a tabla rasa event, otherwise known as a blank slate. However, laying in bed one night, I reflected on this holiday and the seasons past. Like any successful holiday dinner, the table must be appropriately set with all the utensils and dishes. I wanted to set my holiday table with some good things and some bad things. At the end of the year, I'll clear the table and prepare for the next meal.

It can be difficult to remember everything. All the Stoic podcasts I listened to, they always recommend journaling. When I was younger, I journaled and as I grew up, I put my thoughts out there on this website. To be more productive, I spent money on planning books that have space to write some goals, thoughts, and to-do lists. Although I hate clutter, I've kept my 2021 and 2022 planners. Interestingly enough, I looked back at my goals for 2022. Most were health-related, as I wrote those at the end of 2021 and COVID was coming to an end. I wanted to schedule appointments with the dermatologist to take care of a cyst I had on the back of my neck. It was out of sight, out of mind because I couldn't see it but some of it "wasn't a problem." Just like getting my wisdom teeth out. I was hoping to avoid temporary discomfort to maintain the status quo. I think there's a large population who live life this way. Marcus Aurelius said "Everything's destiny is to change, to be transformed, to perish. So that new things can be born." It's like when there's a friend we don't talk to anymore or a relationship that ended. Those events needed to happen.

Also on my 2022 to-do list was to get my Salesforce System Administrator certification. My goal for the future was to be an accounting software consultant. I have been working within the accounting software ecosystem for 7 years now. At the point of making the system admin goal, I worked with Salesforce for 2 years. But as the time came to study for the exam, my anxiousness towards test taking was taking a toll on my well-being.  HL Mencken said that "a cynic is a man, when he smells flowers, he looks around of a coffin." I failed my first attempt at the test. No one feels good after taking a loss, but I used the opportunity to take a step back and stop worrying about my self-imposed deadline. I got back to the basics, pored myself into my work, and understood the "why" things worked the way they did. I tried to be open with how I felt and people in my circle were very supportive. I rescheduled the exam and passed. Stoics say to stop letting anxiety rule you. "No one feels good after worrying about something." Which is 100% correct. Taking the exam again, I accepted that whether I passed or failed, I'm putting in my best effort.

Living a healthy life has always been a lofty goal. Epicureanism argues that pleasure was the chief good in life. Yet, there's a caveat to that. Eating and drinking the best things is wonderful, but you have to do so moderately to avoid the suffering incurred by overindulgence. That last part keeps tripping me up. The past spring and summer, I put a lot of effort into my physical well-being by running, riding the Peloton daily, and working out. The Spring and Summer of 2022 in Portland were really splendid and this was all a breeze. Even so, there may have been a nice summer night where I had an extra beer or two and an extra slice of pizza. In September, I went back to Buffalo for a wedding and vacation. There were so many bars and restaurants that I haven't been to in 2 years and the nostalgia was hitting hard. So, there was a plan to hit up as much as possible. I was the driver, so I wasn't drinking to excess because a DWI on vacation was not high on my list of things to do. I certainly ate my fill, but there were measures that were taken, like using the hotel gym or visiting my friend who had a gym. In the blink of an eye, the trip was over and weight was gained and I couldn't find that form I had early in the year.

With a new job, I just immersed myself in it. I wanted to be the best right out of the gate. It was almost like I forgot the Salesforce drama from earlier in the year. I thought that I didn't have enough time to work out. When I worked in a gym selling memberships, it was one of the most popular excuses. We often think that we don't have enough time, but we actually do. However, we waste more time than anything else. One thing Seneca said about fools is that they're always getting ready to begin. Looking back, creating to-do lists that I was waiting for tomorrow to start. Why not now? 

In How to Change, Katy Milkman explained one experiment where she was trying to find out the best method to work out, either to have it hard scheduled or as a daily to-do list. People can be successful with the to-do list because there will be events that disrupt our day, like an impromptu meeting or a sick child, or just life in general. Also, give yourself some grace when something doesn't go the way it was expected. When it comes to any change really, we can't expect to always have the motivation to do it. Generally, the world doesn't move based on motivation. It moves because it does and the rest just falls into place whether we like it or not. 

I'm writing this in the middle of December, right before Christmas. I think I've set the table with the right plates and utensils. There's going to be some good things on the table, like a roast, but there's also going to be something I don't like - fancy cranberry sauce. One of the leftovers I can take is to just move and just lift the heavy weight. Doesn't sound like fun but 'no man is more unhappy than he who never faces adversity. For he is not permitted to prove himself.' It's the Stoic mindset of being free from anxiety or fear. Those aren't actionable, those are avoidances. 

Survival is not a goal, it's a state. So, I wish you a wonderful holiday season and a prosperous New Year.

Biff's Burgers

Never have I ever thought that I'd be at a point in my life where I thought about actually answering a phone call. But here I was on a Saturday when a friend came up on the Caller ID. He was asking me about where to get a burger. I must have reached some kind of status. Since moving to Portland, there's a few things I'm known for. Being one of the biggest purchasers of Labatt Blue in the area, the guy who is trying to make Dyngus Day an actually holiday and Portland Burger Week. With all 3 of those, I've put in the work. I have credibility.

As a kid, there's nothing better than the Christmas season. The celebration of the birth of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Hotep Christ. That's what the "H" stands for. The older I get, the less I care about traditional holidays. That being said, I put some serious effort into this year's iteration of Portland Burger Week. Generally, someone makes a spreadsheet of all the available burgers on Reddit. This year, I was that guy. I took the previous year's Google Sheet and updated the information. I put some fancy formatting on it so you can toggle for the areas you wanted to visit. I took so much pride in it, I posted it on Reddit. Instant karma. People were asking about burgers that weren't on the list, and they just didn't fucking get it. "It's not my list." 

I began planning. Luckily, there was more than a few restaurants within walking distance that I could partake in Burger Week. My fiancée and I decided to take the bull by the horns and tackle 6 restaurants in the first day. Mind you, we weren't eating entire hamburger sandwiches. For the most part, we were splitting the offerings. Which was good, because I wanted to create a calorie deficit each day that I was participating in Burger Week. 

Day 2 was a little less ambitious. Erika and I met up with a friend and we decided to tackle things in Central Portland... which happens to be bars like Loyal Legion, Danwei Catering and Home, A Bar. Battling 80+ degree weather, we went from establishment to establishment, getting burger drunk. 

Day 3 was met with lesser zeal.  We decided to have a "burger" delivered. It was a beef shawarma "burger." Didn't really tantalize the taste buds like the previous days offerings. But, the day was redeemed when we went to something in walking distance and the burger really hit the spot. All in all, I ended the campaign with 11 burgers consumed.

Historically, I could eat 11 burgers within the first two or three days. Working in downtown Portland really gave me a leg up, but when you're doing it alone, things kind of falter. Erika had to work the remainder of Burger Week. The usual friends who would do Burger Week with me live out in the suburbs of Portland. Come the weekend, I couldn't muster the ambition to do any more. At the end of the day, it takes a lot out of you. Whether it's the financial aspect of buying 43 burgers, or not having the proper transportation to get to all of the locations, I found myself wondering if I had any more credulence. 

Going into Portland Burger Week, I tried to take a measured approach. Creating the spreadsheet was only the first part. I also ran daily and did a significant Peloton ride in order to cultivate a calorie deficit. We walked everywhere, over 5 miles a day to get these burgers. At the end of the week, I amazed myself with the amount of effort was put into Burger Week. Imagine if I took the same care the other 51 weeks of the year?

The timing of Portland Burger Week, although consistent, couldn't have come at a worse time. As I type this out, there's 22 days until I return to Buffalo. It's an important date for me, because I haven't been back in 3 years and I don't want people that I'm a fatter version of myself. My pandemic weight has shifted between 20 pounds. Not to mention that I have to have a suit tailored. It's added stress.

As per usual, I have a plan to mitigate bad decisions. I'm more than comfortable creating a false premise. Whole21 can be a thing where I abstain from beer and other foods. To get down to a certain weight, which let's be honest, no one really gives a shit about. I'm beating myself up over some made-up deadline and made-up weight that has no bearing whatsoever. I should be concerned with living a healthier lifestyle going into a vacation period. There's a plan during vacation, wherein we work out in the morning and do a hike before we have a dinner and some drinks. Which, I think is healthier. It's taking the time to be mindful of your day. At the end of the day, the most important thing to take away from all of this is that we should be mindful of the things we do. When we're mindful, I think we take everything into consideration. When we take everything into consideration, different decisions are made.

Beer Dreams, Champagne Wallet

Recently, I received an update I haven't seen in a while. Low or insufficient funds in your account. Generally speaking, I have my shit together but one common trait the Urtels do is squirrel money in different bank accounts. I suppose it's a sadistic joke my family plays when one of us dies and our money has to be rounded up for the estate. If you know me, I've become very fiscally savvy where in I utilize 0% for projects, balance transfers, and the like. Very not Dave Ramsey-like. Well, one day my one credit card that I used for a balance transfer overdrew an account I really don't use that often. I was able to transfer funds from other banks to cover the balance, but the whole thing got me thinking about a news piece that I recently saw. It discussed how Americans are switching to economy beers, which are your Pabst Blue Ribbons and Miller Lites of the world.

It goes without saying that the economy has been a roller coaster for the past 3 years for a specific reason. For a while, the common person didn't know if things were coming or going. If you received stimulus checks, the money either went to food and housing or it went to paying down debt. I had a steady job and so did my partner, so I was able to pay off credit cards. Others were not in that position and fell further into despair. This K-shaped recovery is ongoing. Some people turned to alcohol and drug use to cope with the stress of losing their jobs and way of life. In my 20s and early 30s, my personal economy was boom and bust. When times were good and I was employed, I was drinking the dankest IPAs in the USA -- as was the tradition. When times were tough and I was scrounging couches for coins, it'd be a 6er of Labatt Blue or PBR to wash down my daily 7-eleven hot dog rations. Anyone paying attention to the 2022 Q2 and Q3 earnings (as if that's any indication) and rising prices for consumer goods show that people in the economic middle and lower classes now have to mind their pints and quarts. Also, where can you buy a quart of beer?

Conversely, Diageo -- makers of Don Julio, Johnnie Walker, Casamigos, Guinness, and Smirnoff; have shown a 20% increase in "super-premium" spirits. How can this be?! Aren't we in a recession?! Well, if you look back to my last paragraph and the K-shaped recovery, there are people who aren't in dire straits. Hell, if you look at Congress's record in the stock market, they're outperforming traditional professionals. COVID has shown the greatest upward movement of wealth this country has ever seen.

As the great Tyler Durden said in Fight Club, "on a long enough timeline, the survival rate for everyone drops to zero." Fortunate for me, I was able to pool my resources together and took care of my credit card bill. I vowed to stick to the minimalist principles that helped me when times were tough. Previously, it was mandatory minimalism wherein I didn't have the capital to spend even if I wanted to! Keeping Tyler's quote in mind, it's important to know that the wheels will come off sooner than later. The ugly truths of economic theory will rear their head. Not for the pigs who call the shots but for John Q. Sixpack. Taxes will be raised because too much money has been printed and the poor and middle class will have to pick up the tab for bureaucrats whose only aim is to appease the masses to keep the jobs where they can inside trade. I have reduced my spending and trying to limit expensive outings to the bar. I love my friends and local businesses, but I can't be spending $250 per week on 'entertainment.' If you're a long-time fan of my work, it's been an enduring process. Having the knowledge of the what and why I do things, but having the follow through to actually do it. I believe that's called the power of action.

Good luck out there my friends and may the odds be in your favor.

Answering Your Own Questions

Someone said that you are five minutes away from the answer to your most difficult question. A fitness trainer I follow on social media recently posted a question. She asked “what is your biggest impediment to your weight loss?” They were the same excuses you’d expect to hear:

“I don’t have time…”

“Sweets…”

“Sleep deprivation/lethargy…”

“No support from my family…”

When I was selling gym memberships in the past, I asked that very question to clear up any objections that a potential client would have. I’ve heard some doozies as well, like “Why shouldn’t I work out at home?” Great question, why shouldn’t you? Why are you here wasting both of our time? So, when I had a one-on-one meeting with the fitness trainer for some potential coaching, she asked me the question.

“Me. I am the main obstacle to my success.” I could see the shock in her face, because I don’t think she heard that one before. It’s true though. For the time excuse, you could always reallocate time. You don’t need to spend X amount of time watching television or doom scrolling. Nor do you have to spend 2 ½ hours in a gym. Your sleep deprivation and lethargy can be due to other lifestyle choices like eating a poor diet, drinking or not getting a good night’s sleep. During June, I made the decision to improve my health through changing my diet, improving my exercise and severely reducing my alcohol intake. The results were astounding wherein I lost 12 pounds in a month! However, something did happen when there was the long weekend in July – I gained some of that weight back.

There’s a chasm between having a “great” night and a “bad” morning after. It’s roughly 6 beers and a few slices of pizza. Also, throw in a bar tab around $80. Multiply that by 3 and there’s your long weekend. All of the positive momentum made in the month previous seemingly was wasted. I indexed back to my previous conversation with the fitness trainer, “I am the obstacle to my own success.” I forgave myself for overindulging and got back to eating right and working out. It was that simple and I started to shed the pounds I accumulated.

Consistency is key. Having a daily routine helps me out immensely. In my previous job, especially in the beginning stages of the COVID lockdowns, I would wake up and immediately go to my computer to check my emails. Even before going to the bathroom! Those emails could have set my day down the wrong path, with someone giving me the what-for because something didn’t come out the way they expected. The day had no intentionality behind it and I was already behind the 8 ball. If I went out the night before and was hungover, that exacerbated the situation. The mind fog was there until the middle of the afternoon.

That mind haze adversely affected my creativity, whether it was coming up with solutions for work or trying to express myself on this medium. A lot of time elapses from blog posts and each time, I try to improve on that. Life happens and you have to forgive yourself - but not too much where you’re enabling. To clear up my mind haze, a simple run of a mile or so would help clear things up. Those endorphins that were released became more alluring than a night of FIFA and a 6 pack of Labatt Blue.

Every once in a while, I hit the same refrain through these pieces. Along the line there’s a duality of knowing what I should do and then actually doing something completely the opposite. Somewhere in my limbic system, there is a decision made to forego the healthy lifestyle with maybe a little moderation to pounding 6 IPAs. Somewhere in that loop, the next morning hangover is skipped. I don’t know why that is! After listening to an Art of Manliness podcast, I heard about the concept of disenchanting your bad habits.


Someone who abuses drugs turns to drugs to get a high, which feels good. But everything else about their addiction - what the drug is dong to their finances, their relationships, their professional life - feels very, very bad.

So, what's holding you back? We have to rationalize that these habits are, in fact, not rewarding. The way you feel and the lack of money you have should be very disenchanting. I looked at my receipts from the weekend and I was mortified. What did I have to show from those 3 days other than a really bad hangover, a few extra pounds and a few less dollars. I’m not sure when you’ll read this (maybe never) but July 9th is the Mississippi Street festival. I hate festivals, but I do enjoy the food and drink that comes along with it. The Portland Timbers play their rivals, Seattle, during the festival at 1 PM. I guess I could avoid it all together and I can do my morning run and complete my 60 minute Peloton Power Zone ride. Realistically, I’ll need to switch to a more filling and less potent beer. When it comes time to order another, remind myself about how bad I felt on my worst hangover day. There have been plenty. After all, a failure to plan is a plan to fail.

Speaking about plans, I’m pretty excited about a new avenue for A Drunken Production! With the change in the scope about beers, I think that moving onto a section called Good to Know will be fun. I’ve kind of started dabbling on my Instagram with adventures in grilling. Expect more food adventures and travels!

Gut Cassidy and the Sundance Cheeseburger

Recently, I was fitted for a suit. “Do you normally wear a suit?” she asked. It’s a standard question and maybe she was being polite, but I was sweating hard after a mile and a half walk. No, I would say my look is athleisure - a workout shirt and a pair of Birddogs shorts. Hell, I even had a beer along the way. However, this was just another example of me not being at my physical best. Sure, booze is fun. Until it’s done. With each hangover, I get closer to the decision I’ll need to make sooner, rather than later.

Before the pandemic, I started a little thing called Project Fatass. It was a spin-off of two It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia skits with Mac. One, of course, was Project Badass where Mac would record himself doing stunts and the other was the storyline where he was “cultivating mass.” I was not cultivating mass on purpose. It was me pounding the beers and enjoying the good life. Mind you, it was a while since I was at my “prime” fitness level. Back when I lived in Boston in 2008 where I was too poor to eat or take public transportation. That will straighten you out real good! An extenuating circumstance happened in early 2020 when there was a global pandemic that ostensibly shut down businesses and cities. Most of us were confined to our homes, which at the time for me was a one-bedroom apartment shared with my dog and fiancee. Cramped and uncertain, we took up running. It was a great way to get out of the apartment, get fresh and get some exercise! A few months later, we jumped on the Peloton craze. So, coupled with a morning run and an afternoon Peloton ride, I started seeing some real results.

Project Fatass, circa 2019 (excuse my photo editing skills)

Then, the bars reopened. My local haunt was open, but only for to-go orders at first. Then ordnance was relaxed and establishments could build patios in the streets. This was great for bars and even better for the patrons who could now sit outside their establishment on a nice day and enjoy a few beverages. Sure, the street folk had an opportunity to panhandle a little more but in my neck of the woods, it wasn’t too bad. Now, instead of getting a 4-pack of something, I could sit there, have three draughts and then take a 4-pack home. That’s when I started bringing the pounds home. On top of that, football season started and so did the cases of Labatt Blue pounders (16-ounce cans). Here I am in April, above my expected and preferred weight, and five months out from a wedding that I’ll be in. Not to mention that going back to Buffalo means eating delicious but less-than nutritious foods. There’s no better time to act than now.

It’s not just the external time constraints of my vacation in Buffalo, but it’s also a mindset. How can I be at my best if I’m not performing at my best? “Look good, feel good. Feel good, play good. Play good, Pay good.” If I feel like a dump, I’m going to act like a dump. During the times of regular exercise and drinking in moderation, I felt at my peak. I was more creative and lucid when it came to my personal and professional work. I don’t hobble to my desk after skipping my morning exercise. The morning fog lifts well before a cup of coffee. I have the energy to tackle my work and then any of my side projects - such as A Drunken Production. As I eluded to in previous posts, I’m not the 26-year-old booze hound anymore. I need a new schtick. 

This is where Project Fatass gets a second life. I’m pretty realistic when it comes to expectations. Going cold turkey is probably not an avenue because I do enjoy the social interactions I have at my local bar. Limiting how many times per week I go is the largest step in shrinking my waistline and preserving my wallet. Then with that additional savings, I can invest in other things, like the MasterClass series. I want to enjoy the finer things in life when it comes to food and drink. I think I’ll take those classes and make content based on that. They offer quite a bit for $15 a month. So, I think the next chapter of A Drunken Production is to provide lifestyle content from a guy who lived in the middle of the swamps in Western New York, traveled around, and landed on the West Coast.