Never have I ever thought that I'd be at a point in my life where I thought about actually answering a phone call. But here I was on a Saturday when a friend came up on the Caller ID. He was asking me about where to get a burger. I must have reached some kind of status. Since moving to Portland, there's a few things I'm known for. Being one of the biggest purchasers of Labatt Blue in the area, the guy who is trying to make Dyngus Day an actually holiday and Portland Burger Week. With all 3 of those, I've put in the work. I have credibility.
As a kid, there's nothing better than the Christmas season. The celebration of the birth of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Hotep Christ. That's what the "H" stands for. The older I get, the less I care about traditional holidays. That being said, I put some serious effort into this year's iteration of Portland Burger Week. Generally, someone makes a spreadsheet of all the available burgers on Reddit. This year, I was that guy. I took the previous year's Google Sheet and updated the information. I put some fancy formatting on it so you can toggle for the areas you wanted to visit. I took so much pride in it, I posted it on Reddit. Instant karma. People were asking about burgers that weren't on the list, and they just didn't fucking get it. "It's not my list."
I began planning. Luckily, there was more than a few restaurants within walking distance that I could partake in Burger Week. My fiancée and I decided to take the bull by the horns and tackle 6 restaurants in the first day. Mind you, we weren't eating entire hamburger sandwiches. For the most part, we were splitting the offerings. Which was good, because I wanted to create a calorie deficit each day that I was participating in Burger Week.
Day 2 was a little less ambitious. Erika and I met up with a friend and we decided to tackle things in Central Portland... which happens to be bars like Loyal Legion, Danwei Catering and Home, A Bar. Battling 80+ degree weather, we went from establishment to establishment, getting burger drunk.
Day 3 was met with lesser zeal. We decided to have a "burger" delivered. It was a beef shawarma "burger." Didn't really tantalize the taste buds like the previous days offerings. But, the day was redeemed when we went to something in walking distance and the burger really hit the spot. All in all, I ended the campaign with 11 burgers consumed.
Historically, I could eat 11 burgers within the first two or three days. Working in downtown Portland really gave me a leg up, but when you're doing it alone, things kind of falter. Erika had to work the remainder of Burger Week. The usual friends who would do Burger Week with me live out in the suburbs of Portland. Come the weekend, I couldn't muster the ambition to do any more. At the end of the day, it takes a lot out of you. Whether it's the financial aspect of buying 43 burgers, or not having the proper transportation to get to all of the locations, I found myself wondering if I had any more credulence.
Going into Portland Burger Week, I tried to take a measured approach. Creating the spreadsheet was only the first part. I also ran daily and did a significant Peloton ride in order to cultivate a calorie deficit. We walked everywhere, over 5 miles a day to get these burgers. At the end of the week, I amazed myself with the amount of effort was put into Burger Week. Imagine if I took the same care the other 51 weeks of the year?
The timing of Portland Burger Week, although consistent, couldn't have come at a worse time. As I type this out, there's 22 days until I return to Buffalo. It's an important date for me, because I haven't been back in 3 years and I don't want people that I'm a fatter version of myself. My pandemic weight has shifted between 20 pounds. Not to mention that I have to have a suit tailored. It's added stress.
As per usual, I have a plan to mitigate bad decisions. I'm more than comfortable creating a false premise. Whole21 can be a thing where I abstain from beer and other foods. To get down to a certain weight, which let's be honest, no one really gives a shit about. I'm beating myself up over some made-up deadline and made-up weight that has no bearing whatsoever. I should be concerned with living a healthier lifestyle going into a vacation period. There's a plan during vacation, wherein we work out in the morning and do a hike before we have a dinner and some drinks. Which, I think is healthier. It's taking the time to be mindful of your day. At the end of the day, the most important thing to take away from all of this is that we should be mindful of the things we do. When we're mindful, I think we take everything into consideration. When we take everything into consideration, different decisions are made.
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